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I wanted to make a new thread from my "He reached out and wants to meet" because it has taken a turn... .

Here is a brief synopsis of our communication

1. Him, I want to see you, meet me here at this time.

2. Me, that doesn't work for me. I need time. I can meet you at the holidays.

3. Him, Fine, if that's how long I have to wait, even though I don't want to, I will.

4. Him, I can't wait that long. Spew of how what he did was wrong, he will get help, etc... .

5. Me, I can't reply to your message yet. But in the meantime... This whole thing has been hurtful blah blah

6. Him, Even longer you're the love of my life, I can never be sorry enough... .

7. Me, I cannot reply to your messages right now (work, internship, class, homework, job search, licensure exam... .I stupidly thought spelling it out would help.)

8. Him, I understand you don't have time for my new revelation. I can wait to see you... .pencil me in.

9. Him, impulsive message about how much he misses me, the void in his soul, struggling to restrain himself to get in the car and come see me

So what advice am I asking for?

I want things to be about me. I want to write him a well thought out response and deal with our cell phone and other mutual bill tie in DECEMBER. WHEN IM DONE. LIKE I ASKED. I am so angry. So so so angry and hurt. I don't think I've asked for much. He was happy with my replacement for 3 months... .and he still has her... .why can't he just occupy himself with her until then?

I would like to communicate the most to him, in the most effective way possible, at a time where I really can think about what I should say. How do I create the least amount of damage to myself in the meantime? Is silence the best option, or is firm the best option. I'm scared he's going to split me either way. And I don't care about him splitting me in the sense of wanting to be with him. I don't and as mentioned in other thread... .I am happy with someone else now. I am worried about him splitting me and causing me a bunch of trouble for my last eight weeks of the semester. Which is why I asked for my boundary of December in the first freaking place. I'm so upset with him. He cheated. He didn't want me. Why now, can't I have my space?

Tangy,

I don't have any advice for you, but I felt the urge to reply. I felt the urge to reply because in reading your post I could feel your dedication to your recovery, and it inspired me.

Your strength, and resolve, and honesty have been very inspiring.

Tangy,

If I were to speculate I would say he is dissatisfied with his current relationship and he wants to keep you close for an option.  This would be why he is so desperate to be heard now.  He needs to know he has the option.  There is also the possibility he really is sincere and genuinely wants to make up for past transgressions, but my gut is telling me this is unlikely and he only wants to pull you back into orbit.    

Given reconciliation is off the table perhaps it is best just to get it over with once and for all?  Consider how much energy and time you have already spent avoiding the talk.

Hi Tangy,

I can see how that would feel frustrating and hurtful. I agree wtih C.Stein, things are not going well in the new r/s and you are split white.


There's a lot of JADE here. It sounds like you're walking on eggshells when you say that you are worried about the last 8 weeks of the semester. You can have your space, I just think that you need a few tweaks.

So he sent me another email telling me he broke it off with her... .and he doesn't expect me to give him another chance but he hopes I will... .So I replied with a set message and it worked. He said he was sorry and that he will wait until I reach out to him. So if he sticks to it, then i am now good to wait. If he doesn't stick to it I put the consequence in the message and I will have to follow it.

Tangy,

Nice going with SET.

YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING. SAVE YOURSELF THE AGONY OF ANOTHER HEARTBREAK... .THEY DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE. RUN 4 THE HILLS. BLOCK HIM OFF. NO CONTACT.