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I felt like I had turned a corner. I had a full week of feeling great; the anxiety had gone and had been replaced with a new-found optimism for the future. I didn't spend a minute envying the new fiancee - I pitied her and thought of what a shock she was going to get once his true colours came out.

Fast-forward to today. I'm back in despondent mode. I feel so sad. I miss him. Everything reminds me of him. I keep thinking of all the plans we had made and how in a matter of weeks they were all ruined.

Today I found out my sister is in remission, and I'm so relieved and happy. But I also found myself wishing I could tell him the news, even though he's shown no interest in finding out how she or any of us were doing. His indifference when she was ill was one of the main things that made me end our relationship. I couldn't believe that this man who had shown me and my family so much love seemed so cold and unconcerned about how his actions were affecting us.  

Was I silly to be with someone like him for three years? To believe him when he told me I was the love of his life? I now think back to some of our exchanges when I'd be seeking some reassurance from him on what I meant to him in comparison to his exes, and how he was evasive at times. How he told me once that he was more devastated when he broke up with his first ex than when we broke up briefly during the first year. I always wondered how he could be more upset over someone who was a high school fling, someone who had broken his heart, than me, the woman who had been there for him for all that time. His answer at the time was that I had come back and we figured things out, hence why the heartache don't continue. Sometimes it felt that he purposely wouldn't reassure me, but I still can't figure out why he'd do that. On the one hand he'd shower me with love, on the other he'd withhold the things I wanted to hear. I'm not sure if this makes sense to anyone?

I'm not too sure why I'm posting tonight. It's just nice to be heard and share how I'm feeling. I barely talk to anyone I know about him anymore; I fear coming across as boring. It makes me feel incredibly alone with these feelings.

Hopeful

Sounds like my current ex. Talking about how he only liked one girl and was the only he wanted to "meet his family " 

She never liked him and blew him off constantly. Somehow she was nicer than me tho?


Even though i put up with alcoholism, him sleeping with other women, verbal, emotional, physically abuse and dark sexual secrets that most people would leave his a** over and still woke up at 6 on a sunday to get his favorite bagel for breakfast only to be told " i'm boring to sleep with ".


So you know people are mean and ungrateful. There is a great saying that goes " I don't regret the things I did, I regret the things I did for the wrong people "


Much how I feel most the time. I often get sad too, not so much for him but for the love I gave away that was never reciprocated.