BPDFamily.com

Today has been a day.  Went to court first thing this morning fully expecting to walk out w/ a no fault divorce.  Judge could not grant it to me because our state laws regarding time of separation.  So I have another several months to wait until this can be finalized.

I have had a protective order filed against exUBPD for over two months.  Well, I was obligated to meet him and MIL at bank today to sign over an insurance check on a claim he filed but was made out to the both of us.  I had already signed the check over to him and MIL wanted to deposit check in her account and make sure he repaid his employer for their personal property lost in his claim.  The bank would not deposit check unless both of us were present. 

So I went up and met them.  I had expressed to MIL before that he needs to do the right thing and repay employer or replace their tools and she agreed.  I also let her know of his plans to spend $$$ on his brand new replacement (2 month strong r/s) and her 3 children; 2 teens, 1 adult for X-Mas.  A trip to Vegas, an Ipad (our kids don't even have an Ipad or Iphone, hell I don't have an Iphone), a teacup Yorkshire Puppy and these kids keep adding to their X-Mas list... .I know this because his texts started syncing up w/ our daughter's tablet two months ago.  The texts I saw at the beginning were the catalyst for the beginning of the end, I saw what I always suspected and finally had solid proof to let go and move on. Fortunately, after today and what I told MIL she told him to contact our cell carrier and have texts unsynced to our daughter's tablet.  So our daughter can have her tablet back and I can not be tempted to read his crap.

Anyway, I go to the bank (violating my protective order) because I want to do the right thing and not be a jerk and let him have insurance $$$ and because MIL is there and feeling buffered.  He opens the door and stands behind me and I could not even look at his face.  Did not want to be cordial after all I have been through.  In the past he has always talked about us being "civil" and he puts on a good act but I know what can happen quickly if we are alone.  I was in and out, no contact, no talking, nothing.

But I feel like I'm being difficult?  I know he wants to have contact in regards to the kids.  I'm sure MIL doesn't want to be our 3rd party because she is just as fed up with his crap.  I feel like this was a test, I don't know.  They both know he can see the kids at the drop of a dime if he only asks, and he hasn't asked, MIL initiated 3 short visits since PO.

I don't know?  I feel like a jerk for having nothing to say at bank?  Not being polite w/ abusive exUBPD?  Guilt for not allowing more leniency w/ him seeing the kids, i.e. him coming to the house and picking them up and taking them to his girlfriend's house (who she and he openly threatened me in a text)?  Am I the ***hole here?  Why am I even questioning this, I know the answer?  Can you relate?

Wow what a long day  MIL is fed up with him, that sets off alarm bells. Go easy on yourself, I don't think that you're being discourteous, I think that you need more time behind you and today would be hard for anybody.

Thank you, it's been a few weeks, feeling better/stronger!