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Title: The Coping and Healing series Post by: Kwamina on November 05, 2015, 01:59:24 AM This year we did a 7 part series of threads aimed at aiding in coping and healing. Here's an overview of the things we've discussed:
Exercises for self insight (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=241251.0) Automatic negative thoughts: Talking back to your inner critic/negative voice (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=270316.0) Your first post: looking back and assessing your growth (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=270312.0) Emotional or covert incest: discussing it and healing from it (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=274516.0) Dealing with trauma: PTSD, C-PTSD and emotional flashbacks (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=277040.0) TEST: Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) | Resilience (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=280739.0) Recognizing and dealing with our own unhealthy behaviors and coping mechanisms (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=281721.0) I think it might come in handy having all these threads bundled together like this. Looking forward, I would be very interested if there are any particular areas you would like to work on and discuss here. Perhaps certain challenges you face. The Coping and Healing series will of course continue! Take care The Board Parrot ***************************** Edit: Part 8 is out! BPD in-laws: Experiences and coping strategies (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=285794.0) Edit: Part 9 is out! Self soothing (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=286992.0) Edit: Part 10 is out! Grieving Our Losses (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=292033.0) And also: Emotional reasoning: Let's take a closer look at it (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=290756.0) Title: Re: The Coping and Healing series Post by: AmMovingForward on November 05, 2015, 03:01:58 PM Thank you for posting that.
I need to work on empathy towards others and how I can learn to not put either everyone else's needs, where I become resentful or just my needs first, then I feel selfish. I know there's a 50/50 way out there, but it's hard for me to see that. My self worth is quite usually good but has somewhat suffered because I was getting validation from an incredibly high quality person and although I miss them terribly, that validation comes from within and I don't want to be triggered through romantic relationships right now. Rather focus on myself and daughter. Again, thanks so much for bundling those exercises together Title: Re: The Coping and Healing series Post by: Kwamina on November 06, 2015, 03:29:05 PM Hi AmMovingForward
Again, thanks so much for bundling those exercises together You're welcome :) I need to work on empathy towards others and how I can learn to not put either everyone else's needs, where I become resentful or just my needs first, then I feel selfish. I know there's a 50/50 way out there, but it's hard for me to see that. Why do you think it is that you feel selfish when you put your own needs first? Is this perhaps a message that you got when you were younger and have since internalized? Were you allowed to have needs of your own as a child? My self worth is quite usually good but has somewhat suffered because I was getting validation from an incredibly high quality person and although I miss them terribly, that validation comes from within and I don't want to be triggered through romantic relationships right now. Rather focus on myself and daughter. Focusing on yourself and your daughter sounds like a good strategy to me |iiii It's a cliché, but learning to love yourself truly is the greatest love of all. Or in other words, learning to validate yourself is the greatest source of validation of all. So let us all self-validate :) Title: Re: The Coping and Healing series Post by: AmMovingForward on November 07, 2015, 12:45:06 AM Why do you think it is that you feel selfish when you put your own needs first? Is this perhaps a message that you got when you were younger and have since internalized? Were you allowed to have needs of your own as a child? Not really, mom's problems would always take precedent over mine. So, yes, that perspective is absolutely spot on. I feel selfish because it's not just needs, it's also wants. I think that's what has sabotaged my relationships, I'm not sure if it was them or me. Now, I'm having regrets in my past serious ones, did my needs come first or were my needs justified and I just choose poor partners. That's what's been on my mind lately. I would love to contact him and ask him, but doubt I'd get an answer, I'm blocked. But that's OK, I'm moving forward and probably need to work on myself instead. It's just very hard to stay away from someone who was my only support system, but he doesn't want me, I guess I'll continue your recommendation and focus on myself and daughter, and not contact him. I'm lonely, but not lonely. Sad, but not sad. My self worth is quite usually good but has somewhat suffered because I was getting validation from an incredibly high quality person and although I miss them terribly, that validation comes from within and I don't want to be triggered through romantic relationships right now. Rather focus on myself and daughter. Focusing on yourself and your daughter sounds like a good strategy to me |iiii It's a cliché, but learning to love yourself truly is the greatest love of all. Or in other words, learning to validate yourself is the greatest source of validation of all. So let us all self-validate :) Yes, so let us all self-validate! Title: Re: The Coping and Healing series Post by: unicorn2014 on November 07, 2015, 02:49:55 AM Hi Kwamina, thanks for this!
Well today my social worker made a copy of the narcissistic traits in the DSM for me regarding my father. I told her about my father thinking that I could have done something to prevent my daughter from coming home from summer camp. I also told her about how father wouldn't listen to me when I told him that my brother was the one who caused the problem in the car on the way to my grandma, not me, my cousin, or my daughter. My social worker expressed concerned about my mental health and asked me why I care what he thinks of me. I'm kind of in shock because I've been so focused on my relationship with my partner that I didn't really see this coming. I told my social worker that I could use what I was learning here to communicate with my father. Basically she said if I want to communicate with him I have to do it in such a way that doesn't shame him. She said narcissism is a cluster b personality disorder just like borderline so it would make sense that I could use the some techniques. Basically I'm looking for a stable father figure for my daughter to talk to her about the adverse effects of early drug use. Her father is still an active drug user. My father was an active drug user from when he graduated from high school to when I was born, with occasional use after that. My social worker cautioned me against thinking he could make an adequate grandfather after being a poor father. She said I probably remind him of his failures as a parent and that is why it is so hard for him to come and see my daughter. Title: Re: The Coping and Healing series Post by: Kwamina on May 07, 2016, 06:38:37 AM Hi everyone
We have done a series of educational discussion threads. The series started with two threads by Ziggiddy about exercises for self insight (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=241251.0) and assessing your growth (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=270312.0) and a parrot talking back to the inner critic (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=270316.0). These threads were followed by several others, including one in which Harri really got us to discuss the adverse childhood experience (ACE) and resilience tests (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=280739.msg12665262#msg12665262). The two latest installments came from Woolspinner2000 about self soothing (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=286992.0) and grieving our losses (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=292033.0) The Board Parrot PS. The parrot is ahead but you always gotta watch your back for that inner critic! |