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Odd heading I know.  Their issues with object constancy are never their "friend", certainly not ours.  I've experienced it first hand trying to live with a pwBPD.  I've sensed it after break up, in the form of "out of sight, out of mind --even though I madly loved you two weeks ago".  My question pertains to their mindset when they inadvertently run into you (the Object... .LOL) after nearly a year.

Quick background --- I walked away from her madness one year ago.  A month later her attempts to trash my reputation become so severe I filed a police report.  I've been NC for eleven months.  I've read the boards, been in therapy and my life and mental state are so much better.

A few days ago we found ourselves walking alone towards each other in the hallway of a public building.  I didn't recognize her at first so I glanced at her (she had gained a lot weight).  She obviously recognized me first.  Her eyes had a glassed over look of rabid dog fury or possibly of emotional pain or maybe complete embarrassment.  Who knows, who cares?  But it's safe to say there was a ton of non-productive something that immediately flooded her brain.  I got outside, laughed and said out loud "That was funny."

Any of you guys have experience to explain what may happen to them after such an encounter?  I know that each pwBPD is unique.  I'm just trying to process whether this may precipitate another round of reputation bashing.  I inadvertently became "not so out of sight" so does that translate to " not so out of mind?"

Hi PureMadeness,

*welcome*

It's hard to say. What's the back-story on your break-up?

Three years.  At the end we started talking about taking it to a permanent level.  That's when she started the constant break ups, or getting emotionally distraught if we planned on spending time together.  Her behavior became really erratic, completely bizarre.  Couldn't emotionally manage to meet for lunch.  I took her back after she broke up (again)and two weeks later decided this was enough.  I walked away.  That's when she started trashing my reputation.  Claimed we talked about her intense fear of abandonment.  It was news to me

PureMadness,

It sounds like you didn't know about BPD. I can relate with how confusing the behaviors are when you're in the thick of it and trying to make sense of it all after the r/s breaks.

It sounds like she has self awareness ( fear of abandonment) and she may or may not be diagnosed with BPD some a mental illness of some sort. I get the feeling that she was emotionally collapsing and letting you know why her way her behaviors were erratic in her way.

You were together for 3 years, I take it that you mean that you were going to settle down together?

You saw her a few days ago, how did you feel when you saw her? It sounds like the end of the r/s was chaotic. How long have you been split up? I take it that you were surprised and maybe she hasn't talked to you since the split?

I know I didn't answer your question with object constancy but I wanted to ask you a question about it. When you ask if it turns on her do you mean that she doesn't see you as an object that she devalues ( can't see anything positive ) and if she sees your positive qualities like at the beginning of the r/s?