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In his frantic search for my replacement, my ex happened upon someone I know.  He doesn't know we're acquainted.  Anyway, they chatted online, and my acquaintance, like most normal people, didn't make the online chat a 24/7 priority.  My ex flipped.  Because my acquaintance didn't respond within an "acceptable" time frame, my ex went off the rails, talking about how he's sick and how could a person treat another person like that.

Oh boy.

Methinks he's not going to find another replacement so quickly.  It also explains why he hasn't had a relationship that's lasted longer than ours, or a relationship that was as accepting and accommodating as ours.  His relationships don't ever get off the ground in the first place.  Usually it's a couple of weeks of occasional dates, with sex on the first date, and then, when the other person doesn't respond/react/reciprocate/adulate according to BPD protocol, he loses his sh*t and they drop him. 

I suppose he got lucky this time around that he got involved with someone who is a natural empath and also deals with emotionally difficult people on a daily basis.  There just ain't that many of us out there who can put up with someone like him.  He dysregulates RAPIDLY.  I wish him well, but if I'm going to be successful helping others (I'm not a therapist, btw), then I need to conserve my energy for my professional life.

hey creativum 

i cant help but feel like the obvious question here is: so what is different about you? why did you put up with him when others dont?

Codependency reared its ugly head again.  He found me when I was down and out, with low self-esteem, and I needed to be needed.  And I excused a number of his behaviors and chocked them up to his other issues (with which I am quite familiar professionally).  I overlooked the real problem, even though I saw it clear as day due to my relationship experiences with a pwBPD a decade ago.  And because of the field I'm employed in and the demographic I work with, I've become accustomed to "never giving up" on someone.  I'm working through this (again) with my therapist.  

thats very honest of you, creativum, and i commend you for seeking a therapist to examine these things, you will make good progress  |iiii

id been single for three years before my uBPDex, and thought id really made peace with myself and past relationships, learned my lessons, etc. i think i had made some progress, other areas i wasnt even aware of needed a lot of work.

you say codependency reared its ugly head again. is this a pattern in your relationships?

Nope.  Just once, my first relationship, with a very very very violent pwBPD, and I kid you not when I say I very narrowly escaped death.  I had no choice but to seek serious therapy after that.  After that?  I had pretty good relationships.  Some with run-of-the-mill a*sholes, some with nice folks that just didn't work out. But therapy, just like immunizations, sometimes requires a "booster" dose to keep us protected.  Ain't no shame in that!

Helping make sure to never 'give up' on yourself again.