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NC for 3 weeks, and I'm very proud of myself.

However, I can't get rid of that frustration inside me... .it boils! My exBPD is rebounding (having sex), has a great job, go out very night... .life is good!

Meanwhile, I'm having a hard time going trough that break up... .doing alot of effort to heal. I know BPD can swith quickly from relation to relation, do they suffer trough their roaller coaster life? She is a beautiful woman and can catch almost every man she want. I'm a good looking guy, good job, good social skills... .but everyone knows it's alot harder for men to catch women, that involve more work and effort to seduce... as example : in a bar, an average woman will (without effort) have many pretender BUT average man of the same league has to work hard only to get a phone number... .sadly nature is done that way. I would like to have life so easy!

I know the difference between her and me is that I'm not BPD, I manage emotion normaly. I know my feelings are 100% irrational but sometimes I would like to have this ease to get trough that hard time! Tommorow is gonna be another day, I think I'm just in a real bad mood!

Going out every night and having lots of sex is not exactly a reliable indicator of happiness. Some of the unhappiest people I've ever known behave like that. I wouldn't use this as a barometer for a good or easy life, either for yours or anyone else's.

Hi trobalmart,

I agree with ballotome. Also, there's more than meets the eye. A pwBPD feel low self worth, self hatred, feel evil and have chronic feelings of shame. She has to wake-up everyday and feel this way, how hard would that be cope with day to day? The pain that you're feeling is really intense but short term, BPD is a treatable disorder, she has to commit to therapy and it can be incredibly difficult to overcome.

Her "happiness" is only illusion... .is it really different than what she has been with me? Noo!... .this is the rational part of me talking... .

The very emotional, irrationnal part of me says somtething else... .her way to behave and to escape the situation get me so frustrated!

I know I just can't enter the circle of finding clear answers about her behaviour. Anyways trying to find any kind of sense in her is impossible. Nothing she does and says make sense, her speech does not match with her action.

She's very damaged! but even if I know this more than everybody else she is still able (even in NC) to touch a sensible part of me!

I think I understand you.

My ex had a replacement before breaking up with me, and I am constantly reminded of how happy she feels with him or how good he is to her, while I dwell in the past and jealousy.

I want to believe that it's just part of the cycle, that this infatuation will end soon and she'll move on to the next phase.

But what if it isn't? What if I was wrong and she was right about everything and she is indeed happier now? God.

haa! I know that feeling. Mine has the easiest life going but still 'life is so hard for him' violins. He goes out every weekend when he can't afford it, doesn't provide for his daughter, has lost some weight, spending time with friends sometimes i feel his having a whale of a time and sometimes his friends are jealous of him for either losing weight and whatever but i just think, he ent really happy, whatever he does, he's never happy but i wont even let myself compare myself to him. It took me a while to come to that point. I even advised his friend that because one of his friends is jealous that my EXBPD phone is always buzzing with friends asking him out and this friend being a loner but its like again, look at his lifestyle, don't compare yourself to that, you have a lot more going for you than my exBPDbf. It might seem fun and games on the outside but really i find when my EXBPD is in this faze his dis-regulating.