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Just wondering if anyone has experienced having a BPD partner paint themselves black and break up with you? Is this because they care and don't want to hurt you? Is this because they allowed you to get to close?

I can't speak for all, but I can give you my experience with my pwBPD.  She always, really, "painted" herself black.  That's BPD.  They feel that they are always unworthy of love and affection... .they loathe themselves well beyond what we can ever imagine.  My relationship was certainly a whirlwind.  Jane is very high functioning (you'd never know she had BPD) and to the outside world she appears to be a happy, life loving woman.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  She's 27 years old, but you'd think she was 15 once you got to know her.

Jane has told me before that she didn't want to exist anymore (which I found concerning) and she told me not to worry because she would never commit suicide because she "liked herself to much" to do that.  That was in a single sentence.  Do you see how contradictory that is?  While Jane has never told me she was diagnosed a narcissist, she certainly demonstrates many of the NPD traits along with her BPD.

In moments of her being overwhelmed (with whatever end-of-the-world crisis she finds herself in), she would often give me the silent treatment "for my protection" as she put it.  She hates herself so much that she sees it a relief to me to give me ST (which is a form of abuse, regardless of how one tries to justify it).  She has told me that she has used ST on me for that reason (as both punishment and protection).  She also told me she would do it because I was to close to her (and she has said multiple times, both in lucidity and not, that I am the only person she feels understands her condition).  So, in some cases, yes, it can be because you got to close.

Hi sadandbroken,

I had a close male friend for about two years with BPD who would cut me off periodically and then come back with the explanation that he cared about me so much that he couldn't bear how our relationship would change if I was exposed to his behavior during these periods. When I told him it wasn't fair to just stop talking to me and reappear based only on what he wanted, he said I had it wrong- he was doing it FOR me. To save me. Eventually he sent me a text that said he had to distance himself from me because he didn't deserve the love and kindness I had shown him and he hated himself for it. That was the last time I have heard from him and it's been several months.

Thank you both for sharing. The man I was with for a year was also so high functioning and he was able hide his disorder.In the end he basically told me he couldn't live with himself if he ever hurt me and that he never felt he deserved me. He told me he let me in closer than anyone has been.When I think back he would have a very hard time with complements.He would often tell me that I calmed him and I never quite knew how to take that.Although I have been doing the no contact for the 4 weeks other than seeing him twice at a weekly function that both of our children attend, he also has not attempted to talk to me.He actually has to leave the room if he see's me.Its all spiraled so quick.