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My relationship with my ex BF was stormy almost from the start. He was 32 and leaving the priesthood. I was 4 years older. I found him to be very sweet, innocent, with a little social awkwardness. He was very into me and into a commitment with me right from the start. It made me feel wonderful. He called me beautiful names, we spent everyday together literally . He stayed over all the time. He was my life. I did everything I could to help him. I enjoyed our time together. We traveled so much. Not picking up on the impulsive nature of traveling and spending so much money which neither of us really had. I spent so much money on him. And in his defense he spent all he was making too. He went through 4 career changes and was very nasty to me when we fought, which turned out to be daily after a while. We broke up in August. In that time we still haven't stopped fully talking or seeing each other. He's dating a girl now and says she's not very pretty Bc he has low self esteem and living home with family he feels he can't get a good looking girl. So he claims she's heavy and below average. I don't know what to believe from him. He lies so much now. I feel like I never knew him. He even said to me the other day that he's been out of the priesthood 3 years. I had to correct him and tell him it's been only one year and 4 months. He lies so much he's starting to believe his lies. He tells me he only went on 4 dates with this girl but I know he's lying and he thinks he has an STD from oral sex. He is getting checked. He claims he hasn't had Sex with her yet. Which is another lie. I should just go no contact! I'm in therapy . My therapist thinks maybe I'm missing my mom. Who died when I was 18. I think she might have been borderline too. This man wasn't a great boyfriend to me. I mean we did have a lot of fun, but we did whenever he wanted to do, and he would belittle me and put me down during every fight, And now I can't trust him anymore. At least when we dated I did trust him, Bc he was always with me. He had no friends. But now since our final break up on August 28th . I feel he crossed a line to being a totally different guy. I'm trying to date now too. But he won't tell me his real feelings for her. I am very up front with him regarding my dating experience. He tells me he's not that into her, she's overweight, not a great personality, but then why is he with her? I asked him if he's emotionally bonding with her, and he won't tell me. I just want to know so I can protect myself from further hurt. He won't leave her so that makes me believe he is into more than he is saying. I know he's got abandonment issues. But I feel like he's trying to be manipulative . Telling me he loves me and wants to see me. Then we hang out and go away over night and he gets so nasty with me . Threatening to leave me in AC when we did an overnight and threatening the same when we stayed in philly  . Threatening to spit in my face again and wanted to throw water on me. There was almost no talking him down from that. I thank God he didn't. But I feel he has almost gotten worse not better. I should just walk away . Why am I still hanging on. When he clearly doesn't love me in a healthy way. Please anyone help me! Can anyone relate or tell me what they think of him or this situation

can you write down the reasons why you feel you want to get back with him?

If you get back to him, what makes you think you will be happy ?

I don't know why I want him back so bad. I was never fully happy, it was always some level of drama. He called me stupid and retarded. I spent the bulk of my money on us when we dated and felt with his mood swings. But I am very attached and loved his attention. He filled a huge void in me. And we did laugh a lot together. But it was so one sided . I'm so addicted to him. We would talk and text everyday so many times a day and see each other all the time. At first it was overwhelming but I got used to it. I feel like I'm not a person without him. That's how emeshed we were. I admired many qualities in him and I guess believed his put downs. I feel so broken . This is a much worse situation then I had when I was his girlfriend . Because now he's dating and still knows he has me.