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Title: what else is their left to experience ? Post by: problemsolver on November 08, 2015, 11:03:43 PM I feel like I've been through it all...
Confusion Push Pull Idolize Devalue I fell for the silly words. Spoke to the ex before me *closure* Spoke to the current *closure* - she sold him a dream about me... how I'm crazy and want her back. . I'm guessing he bought it( he's being quite heavily idolized... if I'm not mistaken he already "cheated" on her in a sense but she sees right past it because he's new and idolized of course and she wants to "fight" to be the one) I can already confirm their sexual active... she's made him out to be the best thing since sliced bread... and adding me into the equation completes the triangle and she can play victim... which she loves of course. Got a fake police report written against me... if she follows through probably get a PO. I've been smeared/slandered. . What else is their left to experience in a BPD r/s? Title: Re: what else is their left to experience ? Post by: hopealways on November 09, 2015, 07:39:17 PM Looks like the worst is behind you, now what's left is the best part: healing!
Title: Re: what else is their left to experience ? Post by: Mutt on November 10, 2015, 09:32:33 AM BPD is a persecution complex. The person believes that their circumstances from from outside are caused externally from the actions and behaviors of others. You're right, your ex will shift to either the victim or rescuer roles in a drama triangle. I co-parent with my ex and sometimes she'll rescue the kids if she's floundering she will shift blame and cast me in the role of persecutor because its easier than taking responsibility for herself. That's BPD.
I don't have to assume the role that she cast me in and take the blame. I can't move to the center if the triangle. I think that it helps to understand these dynamics so that we're aware of the roles that are cast in drama triangles. You got closure from her exe partner and her current one. The current one heard stories about you that were all bad. Did you hear similar stories about her exes and what sorts of feelings dud that illicit with you? I heard bad stories about my ex wife's exes. They were all bad. Realistically we're in the grey area with good and bad qualities. A decade ago I didn't understand what rescuing was,I felt sorry for my ex and I wanted to take care of her. She has a dependency on others to take care of things that honestly she should be taking care of herself. To answer your question is there more to experience with a pwBPD? My answer is not if you choose not to be a part of the drama. You're probably a source of shame for her right now and she's projecting her feelings l. Be aware of triangles and the role that we play. You have 3 triangles in your post, calling the cops is a quick way to triangulate you as the bad guy, for not she sees you as "all bad". Title: Re: what else is there left to experience ? Post by: problemsolver on November 12, 2015, 12:04:33 PM BPD is a persecution complex. The person believes that their circumstances from from outside are caused externally from the actions and behaviors of others. You're right, your ex will shift to either the victim or rescuer roles in a drama triangle. I co-parent with my ex and sometimes she'll rescue the kids if she's floundering she will shift blame and cast me in the role of persecutor because its easier than taking responsibility for herself. That's BPD. I don't have to assume the role that she cast me in and take the blame. I can't move to the center if the triangle. I think that it helps to understand these dynamics so that we're aware of the roles that are cast in drama triangles. You got closure from her exe partner and her current one. The current one heard stories about you that were all bad. Did you hear similar stories about her exes and what sorts of feelings dud that illicit with you? I heard bad stories about my ex wife's exes. They were all bad. Realistically we're in the grey area with good and bad qualities. A decade ago I didn't understand what rescuing was,I felt sorry for my ex and I wanted to take care of her. She has a dependency on others to take care of things that honestly she should be taking care of herself. To answer your question is there more to experience with a pwBPD? My answer is not if you choose not to be a part of the drama. You're probably a source of shame for her right now and she's projecting her feelings l. Be aware of triangles and the role that we play. You have 3 triangles in your post, calling the cops is a quick way to triangulate you as the bad guy, for not she sees you as "all bad". Yeah I did hear alot of bad stories about stalkers and abusive boyfriends and here I am just a new story for her. I always thought I wouldn't be " that guy " ... How do you avoid being the persecutor in the triangle? Title: Re: what else is their left to experience ? Post by: ScotisGone74 on November 12, 2015, 05:32:48 PM You avoid being the persecutor in the triangle by... .stepping away and out of the triangle. It is rather difficult to triangulate a person if they are not participating, is it not? It also puts the BPD into a one on one relationship with their current SO to live their fairy tale ... .but we dont live in a disney movie. More importantly do you really want or are prepared to spend your life on pins and needles wondering what "role" or color you are in their head this week?
Title: Re: what else is their left to experience ? Post by: problemsolver on November 12, 2015, 06:46:15 PM You avoid being the persecutor in the triangle by... .stepping away and out of the triangle. It is rather difficult to triangulate a person if they are not participating, is it not? It also puts the BPD into a one on one relationship with their current SO to live their fairy tale ... .but we dont live in a disney movie. More importantly do you really want or are prepared to spend your life on pins and needles wondering what "role" or color you are in their head this week? No , none should have to live life like that to be honest... waking up wondering what role you play... good guy or bad guy ... not a great way to live. |