BPDFamily.com

I know this maybe taboo but i need to ask, we have all been through multiplebreak up makeup phases, my ex and i have been seperated for 10weeks now 4weeks nc. It was a particularly nasty split with her trying to have me arrested. She then went back to her friends and created very nasty lies about me and as recently as 2days ago send me a series of nasty texts.

I have 2 question

can anyone tell me what their experience was after a major split/event then reconciliation and what happened or discussed in regards to the event

after an extended time apart what has happened when youve run into your exBPDp.

I dont want to sound wierd and i am focused on my healing but im just interested to know what happens when you see this person again.

Hi,

Firstly,  I don't see why your question should be regarded as taboo. You're not hurting anyone by asking it, so ask away.

When we feel we must seal our mouths even on legitimate discussion,  then we only hurt ourselves and the wider world.

As to what could happen next, be prepared for anything!

The abusive texts  your partner is sending might be "good riddance", however they might also be a way of maintaining communication - after all, if she really wanted nothing more to do with you then she might find better things to do with her time.

You might do well to get legal advice about how to handle the lies and text abuse. Please don't be scared in any case, as that's what your ex wants. If she can get you paralysed by fear then she ends up with the initiative and all the options.

Any lawyer will surely have seen several situations like yours, and will have been trained in how to handle them.

My advice about meeting your ex again would be NOT to spend any time alone together, certainly not in private and without a trusted companion on your side.

I know this sounds obvious, but for a normal person with a basic expectation of trust in others, it is surprising how quickly ones defences can fade after some time out from the mayhem.

Based only on my own experience, DO be prepared for your ex to contact you within the space of a few months.

This will likely be when she's at rock bottom - maybe after breaking up with someone else,  scaring away all her friends, blowing all her money, etc.

She might approach with an apologetic and self-abasing manner, or alternatively with a "you owe me big-time and you're gonna pay!" approach. Whichever she believes will have the bigger effect on you.

Unfortunately both the above have worked on me in the past, but that was before I even knew that BPD existed - I thought I was going mad and that nobody would ever understand. You have the advantage of knowing that such behaviours are typical of the disorder, so be ready and look for support on sites like this one.

Also build up your real life friendships if you can, as the more support and friendly ears you have around then the less chance that manipulation will wear you down.

I can tell you what happened to me.  4 years ago, started a r/s with Jane.  We had a great couple of months and it fell apart.  Literally.  She was with me one day and then *poof* she was gone.  Oh, did I mention we worked (and still do) together?  Turns out, I was one of several (emotional) r/s she had going.

We went NC (I had minimal contact with her at work) for 3 years.  A year ago, we had to attend a conference together and had to ride in the same car.  We started talking.  She was very lucid and we discussed what had happened 3 years ago.  After that, we were talked more.  That progressed to being friends, then lovers.  A new r/s formed.  Its been a rocky year, in hindsight, and out r/s has fallen apart again.  I don't expect (nor do I want) a reconciliation.  She's done some horrible things to me and it's time I heal and move on.

How will we proceed at work?  Like we did 4 years ago.  My pwBPD is a waif and essentially she never tried to recycle me (she claims she thought about me a lot and wanted to reach out - which is probably half true).  I don't for sure feel like this was a recycle, but I guess it could be.  I don't know for sure.  What I am sure of is that once you go NC, never break it.  If you take only one piece of advice from me, let it be that.