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Title: Is it worth it? Post by: Hopingforhappy on November 10, 2015, 11:12:48 AM I have been in a relationship with a man for almost a year and a half who I suspect has BPT and since I've introduced him to the content on this site, he believes he may be as well. First, I question what is wrong with me that I attracted and have maintained this relationship for so long. Since almost the very start, our relationship has centered around his problems... .child custody modification, financial, job... .I have thrown myself into helping him because I feel his pain so deeply and want him to know that what he has been programmed to believe about himself is not who he is. I see a wounded child and part of me wants to save that child. Co dependent? Bad emotional boundaries? Yes. But I have been working on these issues in therapy for years and felt I was in a good place before entering into the relationship. In the past, my reaction to these personality types was to put up a huge wall and walk away, never feeling remorse about the relationship ending.
In this case and for the first time in my life, I am able to get back to a good place after a mini-wall goes up and continue to have feelings of love, desire and wanting to stick it out. I don't want to picture a life without him but by the same token, I've worked hard to build a good life for myself and can't realistically see enough changing for this to work out long term. I feel lost, overwhelmed, scared, unsupported and hopeless. We are at a stage where I could still walk away before marraige, further engaging his child, and things turning very ugly. However, contemplating that makes me feel like I would be missing out on my chance at eventual happiness with the only person I have yet to imagine that with betomd the infatuation stage. Does anyone have experience, either good or bad with the same situation? Title: Re: Is it worth it? Post by: Cloudy Days on November 10, 2015, 12:45:17 PM My only bit of advice is that this relationship is still a bit new to you. I would suggest not marrying him until you know for sure this is the life you want. If he does have BPD, any progress made is a lot of the time one step forward and two steps back before going forward again. We have all allowed ourselves to get into a relationship like yours because we have our own issues. It is good that you are looking at yourself instead of focusing everything on him. The key is to always focus on you and how you react as opposed to basing everything on him. If you feel you are being codependent I would work on those issues, I read the book Codependent No more and it opened my eyes as to why I am the way I am and gave me ways to stop it. I can say that my Codependency has lessened probably 75% since reading the book. I'm still a work in progress but you should never stop looking at yourself and trying to Improve you after all you are the only person you can control. |iiii
Title: Re: Is it worth it? Post by: Chilibean13 on November 10, 2015, 12:45:57 PM Welcome to the board. There is hope and help here.
What makes you believe you bf may have BPD? What kinds of behavior are you dealing with from him on a regular basis? |