BPDFamily.com

I'm still talking to my ex BF. And I don't know what we are doing still. We hang out and text and talk a lot. He is dating another girl but he says it isn't serious. I know I just need to let him go. When we hang out it always ends up so badly with him threatening to leave me somewhere or flipping out on me. I'm not sure if he's getting worse or if it's just me triggering him and he only is acting out on me. I know he's not really into this girl. He tells me he loves and misses me, then treats me poorly and blames me for his behaviors . I know I just need to go NC. Even writing this I'm ashamed of allowing him to treat me this way. Especially when he blames me for everything. It's like he thinks I destroyed his life. My question is. Is it possible he is just getting worse and spiraling out of control. Or is he likely just having these melt downs with me only.

I think BPD's behavior changes from the honeymoon phase to the regular BPD phase where the craziness occurs. Once the initial high of the r.s is over then BPD will be easily triggered by the nons. It is just the way BPD is. If not with you then the same thing  happens with others... .

BPD blames their behaviors as caused by the nons and that is how they justify their  crazy behaviors over the years.

I felt the same way when I was with xBPDgf. after the initial phase of being like a soul mate, she blamed me for every thing.

I am in the same boat.  I'm transitioning from LC to NC with my pwBPD.  Last Friday I wished her a good weekend at the end of my workday.  She never replied.  I didn't hear from her all weekend.  I never reached out, neither did she.  Come Monday, she was upset that I 'ignored' her all weekend.  I politely pointed out that communication can be a two way street.  She claims to have tried to contact me Saturday (but, honestly, I know thats a lie... .I mean, really, friends/family had no problems calling/texting me so I know there wasn't "something weird" going on with my phone).

Anyway, I took that weekend to really reflect on where I've been with her and where I'm going.  I'm disappointed in myself for not seeing the truth more clearly and sooner.  I'm walking away.  Skip suggested that I post in L2 (I have posted many times in L3) as a chance to process it all.  At first thought, I was hurt, but I've realized its all been FOG and rumination that's kept me around.  I stopped thinking of 'us' as an us and started thinking of me as me.  As strange as it feels, I've been feeling more optimistic and happier since that time.  I'm not saying it's all easy, but not having the stress associated with the r/s has been nice.

In the coming days, I plan to drift further and further away from her until I'm finally silent.  I wanted to 'end' the r/s, but I think it'll just cause more drama and I also have to face the fact that we've been 'over' longer than I realized.  At this point, I'm just being strung along as a safety net for her.  While I was willing (at one point) to stay and try my best to work things out with her, I've just become far to cynical and not as nice of a person as I used to be because of this.  It's time to admit that it's just not going to work and move on with my life.  She'll survive without me and I without her (I did it once, I can do it again).

Last time we split (much in the same fashion), I didn't speak to her for 3 years.  During that time, I found out a lot about myself and I did reach a level of happiness.  I can do it again... .the longest journey begins with the first step.

Good luck to however you choose to walk your path 

Hey Itstops, what are you hoping to see happen?  Doesn't seem like you are carrying out your moniker.  What do you "get" out of letting him treat you poorly?

Lucky Jim