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Please help me I am completely devastated. I dated that guy 18 months, and we were still hooking up and seeing each other till this week, and I come to find out he has been cheating on me since June. and maybe even before than with other women. He was in a full blown relationship and was still seeing me and dating me and making memories with me. I talked to the girl and she is upset too because she thought they were exclusive too. He lied to her and told her we broke up in January when we broke up in August. She was with him since June. He told her I drank and clubbed and did drugs and had a bad temper. Which none of that was true at all. I guess he never ever loved me. He was telling me loved me up until the end. She told me he was very sexual with her. I can't get over this. I thought I knew him. I had so many what I thought were wonderful memories with him., Please how can I move on. I just want to leave this all behind. Has anyone experienced this. Now she may be pregnant and He hates me for reaching out to her and he is trying to be with her. Which I don't want him at all. I feel bad for her if she is pregnant . She seems very nice actually. I just can't believe he lived such a double life. Is that common with wBPD? Has anyone experienced this. I never would of thought he would be cheating on me. and not only cheating but in a second relationship Do people with BPD have sex addictions?

Well I'll get the ball rolling... I can only speak from my experience but my BPDex lived a double life... she was dating / having sex with me/ planning a future... .but she was also doing the same with her ex boyfriend. . Essentially living a double life about 60 miles apart... of course while she was doing this she was accusing me of cheating. . So I believe a double life is normal... I too was sad when I found out the truth as well.

Very.

I wouldn't say that my dBPDxgf ever really started cheating in our relationship, just that she never stopped cheating from all of her previous ones.

It's hard to take all of this in at first, just know that his cheating was his fault, and not a response to anything you did or didn't do within the relationship.

I'm terribly sorry that you find yourself in this position. I know it's painful because you spent time with him.

Whether he's disordered or not--it's best to face the facts that this guy is "bad news." The whole "priest issue" probably is indicative of red flags that something is troubled about him. Did you ever get a clear picture about why he left the priesthood? Was it under the cloud suspicion involving improper conduct, or did he leave for other reasons?

When it comes to relationship behaviors, an untreated pwBPD may evidence issues, but that doesn't give that person a free pass to conduct themselves in the way that this guy has treated you. Usually, it means that they haven't sought any help for their issues, have poor insight/self awareness, are disconnected from self, and generally lack authenticity. Consequently they aren't good serious relationship material because they're a complete mess "within" so then how can they offer anything substantive to another. This guy living a double life and leading you on (lying) is a sure sign that in his untreated state he's a waste of space for you.

A lot of people with BPD put in real effort and do improve. They acknowledge that they have issues and desire to become more stable, and better partners. This guy sounds as if he's low down on the emotional totem pole and is lacking big time. Holding out any hope when he's this far down usually leads to a world of trouble for the non-disordered person involved with them.

I know getting involved with someone only to find out that they're a total tool is the pits, but at least you're not the one who is possibly pregnant and can walk away without that type of serious trouble. Really, the thing to take away from an experience such as this are learning life lessons that help you navigate the choices you'll face in the future. I hope things get better for you.       

I am so sorry you are going thru this and found out the whole ugly truth about your exBPDbf.  I too recently experienced the same situation. You can go back and read my previous posts for some background on my story.

I was deceived as well by my exBPDbf. We were together off and on for 5 years. More off then I realized. I suspected he was cheating and somerhing was very wrong with him early on. Lots of red flags I chose to ignore, because I "thought" he was the love of my life. However, I could never find proof. He came accross as this sweet guy who had a bad childhood and was an innocent victim.

I finally decided to face the reality of the situation last May (2014). I found a slip of paper with the OW's name and cell # on his coffee table. This was right after we had just been intimate.  My exBPDbf and I had also talked in detail about summer vacation plans. He also still claimed he loved me. I told my best friend about the paper. She went online and was able to find the woman's name/address. Long story short, my exBPDbf cancelled plans with me several weekends in a row. My BFF drove to the other woman's house. My exBPDbf's car was in the drive way.

I confronted him in June (2014), he denied, dissociated from reality, stated we were not in a committed relationship, he was only using me for sex, and he projected blame on me. He also admitted to being unstable, borderline and an alcoholic. I went NC and blocked him everywhere. In Sept 2014, he found me on the POF dating site and started love bombing me again. Over the past year, I tried to be his friend and encourage him to get into therapy. We ended up sleeping together again in April thru July.

In August his best friend (John) contacted me to inform me my exBPDbf was not only in a relationship, BUT, has been living with the OW for a year! For this entire past year my exBPDbf deceived me and lied to me. He was leading a double life as well. I know how much it hurts to find out the ugly truth. He's a pathological liar and a serial cheater. His BFF told me he's slept with 100's of women AND he is "always" looking for old and new sources of supply, using and having sex with multiple women. It's painful to realize that it was all an illusion and a lie. They don't have the ability to feel or give love.

It's taken me a few months to wrap my head around what happened. Sometimes I think it was just a bad dream and I'll wake up and it will be back to the way it was in the beginning. BUT, thats magical thinking and not reality.

The best advice I can give you is to go NC=no contact. Block him on your cell phone, FB, email, etc. Read, read, read as much as you can here on the boards and books on BPD, the betrayal bond, journey from abandonment to healing, etc. Be kind to yourself... .it will take time to process what happened. Be thankful you can heal, get better, and get out. The OW can't if she's pregnant. He likely will not change or get better without therapy. No matter what you say to him, it won't make a difference. Trust me, I wrote emails the length of books to my exBPDbf and he barely even acknowledged receiving them. Your ex sounds as deeply disturbed as my exBPDbf and unfortunately we can't save them.

My exBPDbf has suffered from BPD since he was a child. He is now 52 years old. He will not seek therapy because he thinks it's the women, not him. He has the fairy tale illusion he'll meet the "perfect" woman who will complete him and form the whole self he is missing.

I just learned this week from his now "former" BFF that my exBPDbf is online love bombing a 62 year old woman! Sorry, but that's just disgusting and pathetic. He's still living with the OW. She's caring for him as he recovering from a 3rd knee replacement surgery. The woman he's living with likely has no clue about me, nor who or what he is (unstable & BPD). Im sure if he told her anything, its that I'm a crazy ex who still has feelings for him. I didn't bother to reach out to tell her the truth. It's not my place, and I don't need the drama or chaos in my life. I do know she has a lot of pain and hurt coming her way when he devalueS and discards her.

I've also found surrounding myself with good, loving, caring friends & family helps. They won't understand completely, so come here to the board as often as you need. I've also started doing yoga and participating in the Deepak Chopra online meditation series. I'm out of work so I can't afford therapy. However, I have found a friend whose been thru something similar. We are helping to light each others paths, get out of the FOG, and thru recovery.

Please be kind to yourself. I strongly suggest getting away from the situation via no contact. Please don't waste 5 years on a deeply disturbed man like I did! You deserve someone who is honest, kind, caring, loyal and capable of loving you.

Yes, be kind to yourself.  And be at least a little grateful that you didn't stay in the situation for 15 years, have a child together, and THEN find out the ugly truth about cheating and that basically everything he ever told me was a lie. 

I know, probably not helpful but I am feeling a bit down today... .know that it does get easier, though.  I don't have nearly as many bad days as I used to but sometimes they come out out of the blue like today.