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Title: Defending yourself from retaliation? Post by: Schermarhorn on November 12, 2015, 09:43:14 PM So I was talking to a guy that really put things into perspective for me. He dated somebody that was diagnosed BPD and months after they broke up, he got hit with a lot of false legal claims. It was a very similar situation to me.
I'll be honest, it frightened me a bit. And my ex has already mentioned a restraining order to me in the past. (Even though shes the one that contacted me.) What is the best way to defend yourself? I only have texts from the very last time we talked, I deleted all of the older ones. Is blocking her the best option? I have her blocked on FB, and I deleted most of my messaging accounts. I do not have her blocked on text, should I perhaps leave it unblocked in case she texts back so I have evidence that it would be her harassing me if something like that happened? I just realized how serious dealing with someone like this is. I just want to get myself out of the line of fire now. Title: Re: Defending yourself from retaliation? Post by: zundertowz on November 12, 2015, 11:14:18 PM Block everything... no contact ever again! I put up with verbal and physical abuse but threats of false harassment and abuse was the last straw for me.
Title: Re: Defending yourself from retaliation? Post by: Schermarhorn on November 13, 2015, 12:15:34 AM Block everything... no contact ever again! I put up with verbal and physical abuse but threats of false harassment and abuse was the last straw for me. I'm trying to avoid that. I'm afraid ignoring her may potentially cause abandonment issues. Title: Re: Defending yourself from retaliation? Post by: hurting300 on November 13, 2015, 12:23:59 AM Block everything... no contact ever again! I put up with verbal and physical abuse but threats of false harassment and abuse was the last straw for me. I'm trying to avoid that. I'm afraid ignoring her may potentially cause abandonment issues. if you you want to avoid legal problems then send her a nice message telling her it's best you two not speak until later and give things time to cool off? And I have to ask why your concerned with her abandonment issues if she's trying to have you thrown in jail. Title: Re: Defending yourself from retaliation? Post by: Schermarhorn on November 13, 2015, 12:27:18 AM Block everything... no contact ever again! I put up with verbal and physical abuse but threats of false harassment and abuse was the last straw for me. I'm trying to avoid that. I'm afraid ignoring her may potentially cause abandonment issues. if you you want to avoid legal problems then send her a nice message telling her it's best you two not speak until later and give things time to cool off? And I have to ask why your concerned with her abandonment issues if she's trying to have you thrown in jail. Wouldn't her feeling abandoned trigger backlash from her? Title: Re: Defending yourself from retaliation? Post by: hurting300 on November 13, 2015, 03:04:51 AM Block everything... no contact ever again! I put up with verbal and physical abuse but threats of false harassment and abuse was the last straw for me. I'm trying to avoid that. I'm afraid ignoring her may potentially cause abandonment issues. if you you want to avoid legal problems then send her a nice message telling her it's best you two not speak until later and give things time to cool off? And I have to ask why your concerned with her abandonment issues if she's trying to have you thrown in jail. Wouldn't her feeling abandoned trigger backlash from her? It could, but you have to remember that not all people with BPD are the same... is this person diagnosed? Or no... Title: Re: Defending yourself from retaliation? Post by: once removed on November 13, 2015, 03:22:16 AM correct me if im wrong: youre not in contact with this person so the chances of being hit with a restraining order are slim. do what youre doing, live your life, avoid concern with her. if she contacts you, post here, but in general, keep things BIFF (brief, informative, friendly, firm) and dont escalate.
Title: Re: Defending yourself from retaliation? Post by: Skip on November 13, 2015, 08:55:01 AM I do not have her blocked on text, should I perhaps leave it unblocked in case she texts back so I have evidence that it would be her harassing me if something like that happened? I just realized how serious dealing with someone like this is. I just want to get myself out of the line of fire now. Be cool *) Be confident :) Your best bet to avoid a problem is to polite and emotionally unaffected. We can become targets when we over-react or are reactive. NC contact can show weakness and passive aggression - emotional frailty or even anger. You don't want to communicate emotional vulnerability. If you see her on campus, smile and say hi and keep going. If she stops you, act as you would if anyone stopped you. If she button pushes, be validating (if will confuse and disarm her). If she is looking for sympathy/support, encourage her to find it (but don't be it). Make sense? Title: Re: Defending yourself from retaliation? Post by: Schermarhorn on November 13, 2015, 01:05:45 PM I do not have her blocked on text, should I perhaps leave it unblocked in case she texts back so I have evidence that it would be her harassing me if something like that happened? I just realized how serious dealing with someone like this is. I just want to get myself out of the line of fire now. Be cool *) Be confident :) Your best bet to avoid a problem is to polite and emotionally unaffected. We can become targets when we over-react or are reactive. NC contact can show weakness and passive aggression - emotional frailty or even anger. You don't want to communicate emotional vulnerability. If you see her on campus, smile and say hi and keep going. If she stops you, act as you would if anyone stopped you. If she button pushes, be validating (if will confuse and disarm her). If she is looking for sympathy/support, encourage her to find it (but don't be it). Make sense? Okay, how about the Facebook being blocked. Just leave it like it is? Title: Re: Defending yourself from retaliation? Post by: Skip on November 13, 2015, 04:34:23 PM I think so.
Facebook is a window in how you are living. I think whenever a relationship is over, take back you keys and Facebook. Title: Re: Defending yourself from retaliation? Post by: hurting300 on November 14, 2015, 01:40:33 AM I do not have her blocked on text, should I perhaps leave it unblocked in case she texts back so I have evidence that it would be her harassing me if something like that happened? I just realized how serious dealing with someone like this is. I just want to get myself out of the line of fire now. Be cool *) Be confident :) Your best bet to avoid a problem is to polite and emotionally unaffected. We can become targets when we over-react or are reactive. NC contact can show weakness and passive aggression - emotional frailty or even anger. You don't want to communicate emotional vulnerability. If you see her on campus, smile and say hi and keep going. If she stops you, act as you would if anyone stopped you. If she button pushes, be validating (if will confuse and disarm her). If she is looking for sympathy/support, encourage her to find it (but don't be it). Make sense? your advise here is very insightful... |