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We are LC after splitting up a little over a month ago. In a recent text exchange, he mentioned that he has someone he's seeing.

"She's not someone I see myself with long term, and I don't connect with her on a real level. You're the love of my life and I will be thinking about you for a very long time. I miss you so much. I've been tearing up all day thinking about what we had and lost."

This is hugely upsetting to me. The first part of what he says - that he's seeing someone (she's 15 years younger than him and a stripper - nothing wrong with that except he's dated four strippers at this point! the pattern is troubling, right? what do people think?). That part makes me jealous. The latter part, it makes me sad and miss him, it makes me think perhaps he does feel real love and care for me.

Do you think these are genuine feelings he's conveying to me? Or do you think they actually have a real/serious dating relationship? I know, I know, it's futile to worry about these things when we can't take what a pwBPD says at face value, but these are the thoughts that consume me. I wish I could stop obsessing about these things and let go entirely.

What kinds of coping strategies get people through these moments?

My ex called my replacement a friend. Then they started saying. Then she would contact me saying she loved me. And how he cheats. And she hates him. And misses me. Then nothing for a month. Then same stuff blah blah blah. You have to ask yourself these questions. What is love and what is it to miss someone? Love for everyone is different. For me it's doing whatever you need to do for that person in question. Whether it's talking to them. Giving gifts. Being there for them when they are down. Doing everything in your power to show you care. And to miss someone is to actually miss everything about them. The good the bad and the ugly. The cuddling. The movie nights. Just laughing holding eachother.

I don't think borderlines love or miss the same way. I think they love love if that makes sense. They love for selfish reasons and miss for selfish reasons. Mine probably missed all the things I did for her and loved that I did them. It's just not the same.

As for coping strategies, hobbies help me. I work out and do all the stuff I couldn't while I catered to my ex. The worst feeling of it all is knowing they are with someone else but knowing that person will be put through the same stuff you did should make you feel better. Yea they will get to experience the good times but the bad out way the good 100x. Also if hearing that upset you maybe nc is for you. There is no reason for him to be talking to an ex while in his current relationship. I for one wouldn't contact my ex while seeing someone. It is disrespectful. And he is already disrespecting her by texting that he loves you.