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I just can not get over this feeling of loss over setting my boundary and having to go NC for my own sanity. I know intellectually that my daughter is fine without me. I believe I am a trigger and she might even be happier then when we were talking. I feel like I can't move other than to go see my therapist. I hear my daughters voice in my head calling me names. I feel so much loss not talking to my grandsons. I feel dead inside other than sadness. Does it ever go away? I guess 34 years in this unhealthy relationship with my daughter will take a while to unwind. I just can not believe it took me this long to figure out our relationship was not healthy. I just thought I was a loser mother.

I just needed to vent. I feel guilty over feeling like I am not getting over this fast enough.

You are grieving dear. The grieving process can't be rushed and it is unique unto you.

Maybe it will help to see others working through their own grieving process and validate yourself:

Grieving Mental Illness in a Loved One (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=272538.0)

lbj

It is all part of the process, I am still going thru all this too. I too can hear the words of blame from my daughter and I can see her being nice to my face and pleasant to get what she wants. I also know that if she were to call me up today i would be on guard realizing that this is probably about something she wants from me rather than sincerely wanting me in her life. I get angry at times, I feel guilty at time, I have asked myself over and over what did I do or how could I have done things differently but all this does noting but beat us up inside. Like you, I too am missing out on my grand children's lives and I will send them each something for the holidays... .who knows if they will receive it. Did you make the choice to have no contact with your grand children? No, and neither did I. Did you ever do this to your parents? Probably not and neither did I. My mo and I didn't always get along but I never kept my children from them, nor did I tell tell them lies to keep them from wanting to have a relationship with her like my daughter is doing to my grand children. What will happen if you confront your daughter? It will make things worse. Will she be accepting to any talk at all or will you have to listen to her tell you what a terrible person you are? We cannot do anything about what our children choose for themselves or their children, we have to accept the good with the bad. Does it hut? Yes, it hurts like heck! This was never what I wanted for my family and I am sure you can say the same. What can we do? Try to move on in our happiness for ourselves. That's all we can do. and I do know you are trying, just keep working for your health and your happiness.

AVR1962,

Thank you. Thank you. I don't know how I would get through this without you and others knowing what I am talking about.

Thanks lbj! I am indeed.

I just want to say that in 2010, I needed to go no contact with my FOO. Although I still feel like this was the best decision (best way to take care of myself and my own emotional needs) sometimes I still feel sad. I miss the parents and siblings that I wish that I would have had. During these moments, I pray blessings on my parents and that all is well with them even though we have NC. I hope that your daughter has a similar type of love for you, from a distance.

Hopeful_Mom,

Me too. Thank you.