BPDFamily.com

For over a decade my sister was a mere shadow of who she had once been and last night she did something terminal.

I'm not sure it was suicide.

My sister had intentionally overdosed before and not died.

I suspect my sister thought she'd survive yet again and manage to hurt the latest loser she had shacked up with in the process.


Sorry if I've hurt anyones feeling but I needed to write this.

Hi ropend:  I am sorry for your loss.  Death has such a finality to it... .a finality with no peaceful closure.  I am glad that you are here with us.  When you are comfortable, please feel free to post more details.

How are you being supported?  Do you have families and friends physically and emotionally close to you?

You must be in pain... .I am sending a lot of comforting hugs... .

So sorry to hear of your sisters' passing. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.

Thanks for the hugs.

I'm providing my parents with support and they I.

Worst part is we're not mad with grief.

In most ways she died over a decade ago.

Worst part is we're not mad with grief.

In most ways she died over a decade ago.

Yes, it is a tragedy when sometimes one grieves over the loved ones who may be living... .but are not alive... .it is like burying an entire relationship that could have been normal and loving and thriving.

Even though tears may not come, yet, this event has a finality to it... .a finality with no peaceful closure. 

The grief sometimes is not for losing a person... .I have been told that the suicide of a mentally ill person who was in much emotional pain was a relief for the family.  Because they felt that finally he did not have such intense awful pain anymore.  It was not gloating, just acceptance that he was finally at peace.

The grief is for what ought to have been, what could have been, the senseless waste of the precious human life... .

The grief is for the death of a dream, of healthy possibilities.

Have you and your family undergone counseling?  Having a sibling who is disordered, is a hard road to travel by yourself... .

I am glad that you are with us.

God bless... .

Thank you.

I no longer have to deal with insane: vulgarity, lies, threats, worrying, theft, emotional abuse, ridicules speculation, or other behavior no person should have to put up with.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

So why aren't I happy?

Because she was your sister... .and you loved her.   

So sorry ropend,

It may be hard to balance grief (over this, over who she could have been if not for her illness) with perhaps something like relief not having to deal with all that you listed. It's tough to see the person apart from the illness and behavior. It's till fresh. Give you and your parents your own space to let it settle. 

Turkish

Dear ropen,

I am so sorry for your loss.  My brother died about a year and a half ago, he had struggled with addiction and not been happy for a long time, he didn't commit suicide, but I did feel some relief that his suffering was over.  There was also deep sadness because where there is life there is hope. 

I'm glad you and your parents have each other.  Maybe you are still in a hazy state of shock? 

My heart is with you.  Take good care of yourself.

I'm trying to remember back to when she didn't have BPD (least not noticeably) but every time I do I remember the perfect student she once was and before that my first friend.

pwBPD can exhibit compartmentalized personalities. As a way to cope and love her, do or did you have trouble reconciling the healthy sister with the one who suffered and was abusive? Like, who was real?

Hi ropend,

I am very sorry that you've lost your sister in such a tragic way and want to offer you my sincere condolences.

I know you are not sure if it's suicide, still I think the following resource might be of some help to you and your family as you grieve your sister:

Recovering from suicide loss  (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=301482)

It's a self-help handbook for people who have lost someone through suicide.

In spite of everything that has happened, she was still your sister and losing a close family-member like this is very tough. I hope this handbook can perhaps help you deal with your loss and help you move forward.

Take care

You will never be able to be happy because she is no more.  To the contrary, there is always a kernel of hope while there is life.  The kernel of hope, that little spark in you has been extinguished.

Not happiness, not peace... .but anger.  I suspect that the primary emotional form your grief may take will be anger.  The anger directed at her, at the senselessness, at the sheer waste of all human promise and potential.  As you feel that anger... .with that may come guilt.

Tears may or may not come, grief is there. 

Please let me know if you and/or your family has ever sought counseling... .it is disheartening to me that the bulk of research has been directed towards the study of mental illnesses, and relatively less has been diverted to the effects it has on people who love them, live with them or have close connections of some type with them. 

Our family continues to deal with our own brush with insanity (we have a DPD SIL-the marriage is still intact--going on its 22nd year).  There is a strong veneer of peace... .but we all would do much better with counseling and not just that, the worst , most destructive effects of this relationship would have been avoided if we would have sought counseling immediately while facing crises.  That would definitely in our case, have mitigated the worst... .

So I have become a strong ally for counseling... .

Thank you again for sharing your story.  It does take an awful amount of courage to bare one's soul even if it is anonymously done.

God Bless.

I'm very sorry for your loss, ropend. Take care of you.

in peace,

Pilate

It is never easy to say good-bye to someone; let alone someone who committed suicide.  I was only 12 when my mother took her own life.  She exhibited BPD symptoms, but was never diagnosed.  Unfortunately, this illness was passed down to my younger sister who is also exhibiting risky behavior; nothing violent, but risky nonetheless. 

It is important to also get help outside of your family.  Although your family is familiar with the cirumstances surrounding your sister's death, there are some private and personal things you might want to share with someone objective who could give you support in a safe confidential environment.  Just a thought. :) 

I know it has helped me over the decades to seek assistance not only from a counselor or two, but also with the Ultimate Physician and Counselor, Jesus Himself.  Just a thought.   

Praying for you. 

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this heartbreak. 

Sending you love and condolences on the loss of your sister.

She's still gone.

I can't call her, or hope she'll get better, the gift I bought her has been rendered worthless.

How are you doing tonight ropend? Do you have anybdy else in your life apart from your parents to share your grief?

Going to drive for hours attend a service for her tomorrow.

After that comes the local obituary and the community will know.   

As much as it can help from afar, I'm wishing you peace for the drive tomorrow. 

What's going on with the obituary and the community? What's your concern?

I'm so sorry for your loss. Remember the good times you had before the condition took over and your love for each other.

Someones killing themselves (intentionally or otherwise) is embarrassing.

Hi again ropend,

I too wish you peace tomorrow.

Losing your sister like this is truly horrible. No matter what happened before, she was still your sister so this is a very significant loss.

Beacher makes a very good point about remembering the love you had for each other. Though your sister had significant problems, this doesn't have to mean that she didn't care about you or didn't love you. She might have loved you very much but as a result of her disorder might not have been able to express her love in a consistently loving way. Her disorder made live difficult for her and for you to have a stable relationship with her. It is sad that she's gone now and with it the hope that she one day might be the loving sister you deep down inside probably had still hoped for. This is hard to accept.


Why exactly do you feel that it is embarrassing? Do you perhaps feel that it's embarrassing because how it might reflect back on you and your family and how outsiders will look at all of this?

Take care

Extremely sorry. Sending love and light your way.   

Wishing you peace.   

Thanks for the love everyone.

I'm going to need it as I help sift through her apartment.

Looks like she didn't stop stealing when she was a teenager and even stole medication from our grandfather in his final years. 

This is tough. We went through my buddy's mom's house after she passed and found stuff we would have been better off not finding. I imagine it would be hard to do it alone. Do you have anyome there to support you besides your parents?

So very sorry!  Big hugs to you and your family.

Will soon.

I almost had a sex toy fall on my head while I was cleaning.  lol  lol

Yeouch! My story with my buddy's mother and cleaning out her house was something like that... .and some legal documents detailing related Borderline drama which was something out of a soap opera.

I'm very sorry for your loss. 

Sounds familiar, I found a letter by my sister that mentions she had a restraining order on her.

It was the same thing. And related legal things. Something like a love triangle.

How is it going otherwise?

My parents let our Minister announce to the congregation that she was in God's hands.

I think that helped my mom a lot.

Ropend,

Wow!  So very sorry for the loss that brings up all kinds of yucky things.  No worries about apologizing here.  I think we all get the idea that because of family members with BPD sometimes we have some unusual thoughts about family members that the general public will never understand.

Hang tough!