BPDFamily.com

Hello everyone. My name is Joey. I am just recently out of a very intense and traumatic relationship with someone who has BPD. I have been doing ok until today. Today has been a real struggle. I've never reached out like this and I really don't have anyone who understands what I was going through. I just spent the last year+ with a girl who basically has destroyed me. I am 35 she was 34. She convinced me as well as numerous others I was the problem which led me to being in therapy twice a week, destroying a lot of my very close friendships, leaving me with absolutely nothing left materialistically and financially wiping me out down to 100.00 to my name 2 weeks after we have just moved to LA. I literally feel so broken. Everything I thought I knew was either not true or long gone. I guess I am looking for people to kind of help me thru this. I don't really know how to cope correctly with all of this. I have been through 3 hospitals with her, 2 suicide attempts. 1 I found her after consuming 56 1mg xanax pills, one in the hospital where she took the wires for the ekg machine and attempted to strangulated herself in front of myself and her father. Her father who was once my best friend now has it marked that I am the problem as she has convinced him as well almost everyone else that I was the cause of this. No one has gotten serious about her illness. They misdiagnose it as ptsd but this is clearly not. It was on my own of telling my story that I have narrowed down what I have been through to this illness. She has bragged about her art of manipulation. She finds the movie "Gone Girl" to be hysterical and thinks its cool. Every asspect of who I was as a person was destroyed by her. I have clung to this memory of admiration that I have never felt in 35 yrs. I was beyond fully invested. I legitamately believed she was my future. I put up with stuff I never would. Now she's completely gone. New number,  moved to Flordia, changed every way to contact her and left me abandoned and clearly has absolutely no feeling of anything towards me. I had attempted to reach out to her therapist who gave Lauren (my ex) the email which stated this is way more than what you guys think and her father messaged me saying they would be getting a lawyer involved as this is defamation of character. I tried to still help after she left me and this was the thanks I get. I don't understand why I even care but I do. I feel so lost and without purpose. My heart just absolutely destroyed. How have any of you dealt with this? I'm burying myself in work and trying to be as social as I can but it is very hard and trying. Today is just that day I can't get my act together and am so emotional so I'm reaching out for support. Thanks guys and girls

hey joeyfisher13 and *welcome*

im glad you found us, and im glad you reached out; i understand that can be scary. though all of our experiences are uniquely ours, we all have a lot in common, and i think youll find most here understand what you are going through, and can relate.

the devastation in the aftermath of these relationships can feel unreal. many of us would say that its one of the hardest things we will ever go through. many members are still going through it, and you are not alone in your pain. i dont think any of us knew how to cope with it at first.   

i can understand feeling that everything you thought you knew was either not true or long gone; it makes you feel completely out of touch with reality and the world around you. i think that posting here, sharing your experience, having others share theirs and relating will go a long way toward helping you to feel less alone in this. learning more about BPD (we have endless resources) will go a long way toward helping you otherwise make some sense of what you have been through. staying social and keeping up work is helpful in the short term and the long term - take time for you as well. this is traumatic what has happened to you; it sounds like a lot of what you witnessed and went through in the relationship was as well. recovering will take time and work, so allow yourself to grieve, and also give yourself a mental break, as you are able.

none of this is easy. you mentioned being in therapy twice a week for a time; how did that go? what happened there?

please keep posting joeyfisher13, we are here for you 

It sucks; however, you are lucky that she made a clean break, as it is possible you could have gotten trapped in this without a way out.  Maybe the truest form of love she was able to show you was removing herself from you before it destroyed you completely.  The pain you feel now is the pain you would feel from any break-up - excrutiating pain but it will pass.  I suspect it is less than the pain you would have had to face if she had stayed.  Oh, and go watch the movie Swingers.

hey guys I will move this over to the right thread. Thank you for all of your support!