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I had been posting on the staying board, but I think I have finally reached my limit tonight.  My boyfriend "dumped" me this time almost two weeks ago.  He left our house to "live" with a male friend from work (really meaning he comes and goes between his apartment and our place whenever he feels like it).  He told me he's never loved me for the 5 years we were together    He left me alone here in a country that I am not from with no close friends or family.  He also made a big deal of telling me how he let everyone know that he's broken up with me and that I'm not allowed to talk to our mutual friends he works with anymore.  I found some information tonight that I just can't deal with.  I know it was wrong, but I had this feeling that I should check his messages tonight because it is the only way I can figure out what's going on.   

He has actually not told anyone that he's broken up with me, but he is pretending to friends and family that everything is great between us.  He has been lying when others ask about me and no one even knows that he's left our house!  His friends from work have been inviting me out and he just tells them I can't make it. I don't really want others to know all the details, but at the same time he is lying to everyone that we are happy together when he has literally abandoned me in another country!  It made me sick when I saw how sincerely he was lying to all these people.   

He also secretly booked an apartment in the Ukraine in 2 weeks from now for the WEEKEND with a male friend of his who is really bad news & has gotten into a lot of trouble.  They are going so they can find "hot girls" to sleep with just because the last time his friend went there he "had a threesome with some hot girls".  He didn't plan on telling me he was going at all, I found the reservation and the conversation with his friend.  He just told me today that we didn't have enough money for me to get my prescription medicine! (We share most of our finances).  Also right before he booked the trip he was telling a friend about how "we are both staying home for the holidays :) "

I really thought that I loved my bf and I was willing to stick with him through this episode just like I have in the past.  This is just too much for me to handle anymore.  I do not trust him at all and I feel like he is a stranger and my real bf is just gone :'(  I think that this is finally the end and I am honestly disgusted with him and very concerned. I'm worried that he will give me an std or get someone else pregnant.  I haven't slept at all after finding this out.  I am beyond exhausted and I don't know what to do anymore.  Part of me wants to hope that this episode ends soon and my wonderful best friend and bf returns, but I also feel like I don't deserve this anymore.     

Sunflower: I'm so sorry you're in this situation. He's obviously lying and not being trustworthy. That must really hurt.

Whether you stay with him or not will be your choice.

If you stay, you need to enforce boundaries - knowing what you will and won't accept. Such as separating your finances if you can't trust him. Such as telling him although it is his choice whether to cheat on you - if he does then it will be your choice to leave him.

If you leave him - be clear. Separate finances immediately. Believe that you WILL find someone else in time and you WILL be happy in the future.

I am so sorry to hear this.  My heart goes out to you.

In additional to immediate separation of finances, please also take protect yourself from catching any STD's.

This separation of finances and self-protection is imperative.

Once you have certain basic, absolute safety procedures regarding the above, then at least you can think about and cope with other issues much more clearly.

Thank you for sharing your story.

God bless.

Unfortunately (with all people not just BPDs) I think historical behaviour is a good indicator of future behaviour. What are you prepared to live with?