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I wonder if there is sort of common behavior changes in our pwBPD as our children age? I see my ex right now with our 16 month old and I can't imagine how he is going to be as she gets older. She had a little bit of a cough last week. No other symptoms. He had her for less than 6 hours while I worked and had an eye appointment. He called me and said " I can't take her cough, there must be something I can give her" I said " you can't give babies cough syrup" He said "why not?" I told him it's not for kids under 4. He said " Well I have some Tylenol, I wanna give it to her" I said " she doesn't have a fever just a cough" He said "well I want to give her Tylenol to break up her cough" I said "Tylenol won't break up a cough, all we can do is rub Vick's on her, I know it's hard to hear her cough, but she's ok, and she got her flu shot 7 days ago". Then he texts me and says" It's so bad she is sick again, poor girl" I responded " she has had 2 colds in 16 months, kids average 7-10 a year, we are pretty lucky" And really her cough was phlegmy, it was broken up. Then he texts me the next morning and says" can you make sure to give her a bath to get rid of her germies." This from the homeless guy who hasn't given her a bath since August. And correct me if I am wrong, but say she did get her germs on her hands, they aren't harmful to her, she has the germs in her. Did he really think a bath would cure cold germs? Well her cough is all better now. I just can't imagine how I am going to approach him when there are some major decisions to make. It's almost like he's a middle school boy trying to parent without thinking.

Dosing kids can be serious business. Do you trust that you can manage him to not give her medicine which could endanger her?

That is scary... .and I do think that sometimes they just get dumb trying to prove something.  Not sure if that is really part of the disorder.  I do remember when BPD mom got custody of DSD when she was 13, and instead of looking at the shot records at the school, she completely re-vaccinated DSD telling her that DH hadn't taken care of her.  That worried me, but she ended up not having any bad reactions, but still... .

At the moment he only has her for 6 or less hours at a time, so hopefully he wouldn't need to medicate her really. I worry about later, when she is older, if he ever has more time. The stupid thing is he will say he doesn't believe in just medicating kids and then call freaking out at the smallest cough. Last January though when he had 50/50 time he b.s.ed me when I had to hand her over when she was sick. He kept telling me she was fine, drinking and eating enough, just fine. Within a few hours of me picking her up I was at the ER with her. She had a fever of 103, dehydrated, an inner ear infection, a yeast infection in her diaper area, and had to sit in the ER breastfeeding until she could pee. So yesterday I decide to bring her in to see her dr. She still had the cough a week later, no other symptoms though, was just checking to see if the dr. thought she needed antibiotics. Ex comes with since I notified him. The dr. asks how she is sleeping and ex goes into this story about her not sleeping because she is choking on post nasal drip. I am sitting there like what the heck he only has her for basically a nap time 3 days a week. The dr. still doesn't know she has been with me solely since August. Every appointment ex has gone. I have been afraid to say daughter is with me every day because then the dr will ask why. I am afraid to set ex off. What am I supposed to say? Because ex is a loser who still doesn't have a job and is homeless because he got evicted? Right in front of him? Should I call the dr and let him know our situation? 

What's keepng you from telling the doctor the custody arrangement?

Ex gets very defensive all the time. I have only seen the Dr with ex present. I have been unsure of how to broach the subject with ex standing right there. Should I say "oh by the way daughter is not at ex's half of the time, since August she has been solely with me?" I think ex would flip out if the Dr. questioned why. I don't want daughter to be exposed to any of that. I have thought about just giving the office the new parenting plan since I had given them the old one. It sucks that I am so cautious about this stuff, I shouldn't have to be. I am also conscious of not trying to bash ex to anyone so I am afraid the Dr. will take it that way.

If you have a parenting plan, then you are covered. If you gave them the old one, I don't see it different if you give them the new one. The Dr. should advocate for what's best for the child--- not a custody arrangement, but with your baby's health and safety. As long as you can manage her father not doing anything foolish or dangerous (like giving her cough syrup, or Children's Tylenol or Advil when not appropriate--- my Ex and I had some issues with my Hermit ex-MIL), then you are doing ok.

What's your view of the primary concern here in what's best for your baby?

I always get all of daughter's medical records after an appointment. At her 15 month checkup in October the Dr wrote that I had stopped breastfeeding(not true), he told us daughter's weight was in the 50% and that this was ok since she was 90% for height. In her record it says 14% for weight and "failing" BMI. The record says the parents alternate every 3 days and that she lives with paternal grandfather. It says biological dad is the primary caregiver. It says "mom told provider baby speaks in sentences, but this is not true" What I actually told him was that she was putting words together and I gave him an example of "plane... .sky... .all gone... bye bye". I have been having her do developmental assessments at a child advocacy center here since she was 3 months old. Their assessments call this sentences. Putting more than one word together. No she does not say "there is a plane in the sky and it went away" The record says "mom has to rock baby to sleep, but dad doesn't have to to get her to sleep" The records say that daughter sleeps in a crib in parents room, even though ex has been saying all along he would put her to sleep in a pack and play in his dad's living room when he lived with him. Ever since she was born this Dr has been annoying. He has tried to discourage breastfeeding especially night nursing. When ex and I split up ex had told him that I had been arrested for domestic violence. That is in the record from then. I showed the Dr proof that I had not been arrested that ex was lying. I gave him a copy of the parenting plan, yet the Dr. has never corrected this information on record. I think he just thinks oh well move on. So part of my issue is that misinformation has a way of lingering. Second when a parent gives inaccurate medical information it could delay or mislead a Dr in their evaluation of a situation. From time to time lately I see daughter walking around the house pacing and breathing really hard. She will pant and blow out and suck her belly in. She is copying what her father does. It was scary the first time I noticed her doing it. I really predict when ex sees her do this he is going to jump and say she must have breathing problems. When she was getting the cough ex was saying he wanted to break up her cough. Well her cough was broken up, it was a really wet productive cough, not a wheezing, dry cough. Those things matter medically. When she had her birthday appointment I told the dr " I notice her pulling at her ear alot, I know that she is teething and has alot of drool, and she has always pulled on her ears to sooth herself to sleep, but is doing more so lately" So the dr looks in her ears to make sure. No problem, no infection. Ex would just say "she's teething", thinking he knows everything and then the dr would never look in her ears. With her yeast infection ex said she just had a sweat rash. Well it turned out to need antibiotics. If he has her only 16 hours a week he shouldn't be giving medical information in my opinion. But when we are in the dr's it's like I try to keep the peace and stay quiet.