BPDFamily.com

So I had an overwhelming darkness hit me yesterday and a release of lots of crying today.I know this is good to feel the feelings in the long run but the rejection and loss at times gets to be to much.It been about 6 weeks since the break up and verbal communications.I thought for the last 2 weeks it was starting to get easier. I had to see him a couple times briefly at an activity that my son attends. I seem fine when I see him.I start feeling like where we really together? It seems like it all was unreal. I'm ok with things.I don't want him back and I know I am better with out the relationship.I think what hurts the most is he doesn't even acknowledge me when he does see me.I feel so cold and like I am the monster.Its very clear he doesn't want to see my presence.Its strange to be in a room with someone who could't see you enough to complete avoidance. I started seeing a therapist  this last week and she told me he can't handle the feelings of guilt/shame when he see's me.I know by him letting go of me that he has done probably the most genuine act of love that he is capable of but the rejection breaks me.I am going to figure out a way to eliminate running into him.It sets me back and makes me miss the fake relationship that we had.I hate the feeling that I am painted black. I am sure it has a lot to do with my co dependency issues that I have recently discovered I need to work on.

I know exactly how you feel. I work with my BPD ex (which is just blast) and she has totally shot me off. we're 12 days no contact. we used to chat and hang out all the time at work now we don't do anything. It hurts a lot but it's part of the process, unfortunately. But i definitely feel all the feelings you have felt. It's like the death of a loved one but then you get to see them all the time and it's painful.

therapy is good and will help. I've been seeing one for three weeks now and he gets BPD really well and is able to help me understand all of it and the feelings that come with it. It's just gonna take time.

But you're not alone. and we will eventually be OK. hang in there and keep being your own best friend and doing good things for yourself. 

I can not imagine having to work with my exBPD boyfriend. It makes moving forward hard with the brief contact I have had. I wish I could just fast forward.Thank you for your response.It is helpful to hear from others who have experienced this intense sadness.I am thankful for this site.I try to talk with friends and family but I don't feel like they can exactly understand.Its not just a break up.Its so much more than that.