BPDFamily.com

Hi All

Now that she has got with this new guy and I did not respond to the text message she sent me, I have no been painted black.

She is telling our mutual friends.

"She wanted to leave me for a long time but she was scared of leaving me because she thought i'd harrss her"

"She was scared of me and I made her depression worse"

Always wondered if she would paint me black or not. Least it makes it easier on me not to take her back when this current r/s fails.

jyon147,

                                 

It sounds like she is blame shifting and black and white thinking. She is describing you as all bad. What do you mean when you say that it makes it easier? Do you mean that it gives you enough time and space to detach because she is going to avoid you?

Yeah she has shifted that is what it looks like.

Yeah it will hopefully it will give me enough time to detach me from her yeah.

I asked because it's hard to say how long you're going to be split black for, be prepared for that. I've read many posts and I've seen varied results. Some members were split black for weeks, months, years and sometimes decades. I would advise to create a boundary that you can preserve for you in case you are split white and work on your goals like detaching, self reflection, lessons that you can learn and take forward with you to have better relationships etc...

Yeah I have been reading a lot on this forum and have been preparing for the whole spilting black and then her trying to get back in touch when her current r/s ends. I do want to work on me because at the moment I would be too weak to take her back.

When you mean boundaries what sort of thing do you mean?

Our boundaries are like an invisible protective outward layer that protects our inner core values, it is self compassion and self love. A boundary could be self protection for you for now because you're vulnerable at the moment and no contact with your ex so that you have time to self reflect and heal your emotional wounds. I hope that helps.

Setting Boundaries and Setting Limits (https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries)

Yeah that makes a lot of sense, for me at the moment I just need to grieve the relationship and try and move forward. My mind is in that place of wanting to be better and stronger and regain myself. My heart on the other hand is still hurting a lot, still wants her back and wants things to work out.

Question, has anyone ever been painted black forever?

My ex never paints me black forever.  But she has A LOT of people in her past that she has painted black and I don't believe she will ever change that view.

Yeah I don't think I will be painted black forever but I do know I will be for a while as she is with this new guy.

She sent me a text a couple days ago after some drama and instead of being dragged into it, I decided it was best to not reply.

My ex girlfriend painted me black as soon as lfound out she was sleeping with someone she had been msgn for the last few months we were together,  it's been 6 months nc and I believe she won't ever talk to me again and I never done anything that bad for her not to talk to me again,  I can't seem to get past it,  I can't get over her,  l want to nut I'm stuck,  l hate being painted black

We do literally get addicted to them and even though it is bad for us we will keep going back for more to get that next "high".

I have been NC for only 4 days the previous was 13 days. She got with her new target just 13 days after we broke up. As with a lot of pwBPD they have to be with someone. She set him up first before leaving me, before me, I was probably her set up. We lasted the longest of 4 years (4 months was her previous). So I know the strain and stress of wanting to talk to my ex. Deep down I know she is not good for me, not worth my attention but your brain just keeps screaming drugs and your heart mourns.

Much like my previous r/s I thought I would never get over here and my previous one was a non as well but she still cheated and left me for that guy. So its similar but this is more intense, the feelings have be specially created through her actions to make me just keep wanting and have all the power in her court.

The one thing she cant control really is, me. She used to be able to but she cant anymore, not contacting her is in my control. I will stick to that even though it is hard.

You should do the same NC seems to be the only thing to work.

My ex has painted a lot of people in his life black. However, he seems to keep a lot of his ex's at arms length. I havent heard from him in over 2 weeks. I am actually quite surprised. Although our last conversation was very hurtful to each other... .

Out last conversation was very bland, she was very blunt and a little hurtful but I kept myself in check. My friend on the other hand had an argument with her. He posted on her new r/s status on FB, she messages him horrible things, blocks him, then she texts her horrible things, she texts him then blocks him.

I get a message the next day from her, telling me I should tell him she is blocked, and she thinks I have nothing to do with it. I knew it was never about me telling my friend anything, she just wanted to drag me in. I ignored the text, then she blocked me and painted me black.

I know I was painted black because she was telling mutual friends who are more leaning towards me, i was the reason her depression got worse and she was scared to leave me... .all lies.

Now I just wonder because I never replied when her next attempt will be.