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Hi All

Just did the thing I knew I shouldnt. Looking at my ex's Twitter, although it had nothing like make, pictures with her new guy etc just reading what she is up to (in the sa,e place as him) hit me a little.

It did not affect me as much as I thought it would but it has put a put in my stomach.

I've made the mistake of doing this. Only once, but that was enough for me to swear to myself I'd never look again. I peeped at his Instagram about a month into the breakup and saw him interacting with the new woman on some of his photos. It gave me such rage that I messaged him demanding to talk to him. Thankfully he was asleep and by the next morning I had calmed down and ignored his repeated questions of "What do you need to talk to me about?"

It's hard not to feel tempted. After all, you spent XYZ time being part of each other's world and all of a sudden you finding yourself knowing nothing. But not checking SM is really for your own good. I know it made a massive difference to me when I set myself the boundary of never checking. I would have just been reopening old wounds over and over again, when I'm trying to heal them.

Also, remember, it's social media. No one posts the bad stuff.

Yeah I agree, I know that deep down she is still the same person I knew, posting happy stuff online but having inner turmoil.

I think its just the stab of not being with her and like you said we were together 4 years and now we know nothing. What makes it harder is with BPD people she has just painted me black and forgotten me, she wont have the same thoughts and feelings of wanting to see me again like I do with her.

Boundaries is what I need to set. For my own good.

Looking at social media hurts... .period. it hurts.

Why are you doing something that hurts?  (trust me I am just as guilty- i looked at his instagram today)

But it hurts... .so why are you subjecting yourself to more pain?

Yeah it was stupid. I regret it but then kinda don't. I think I was testing my self to see how much it hurt.

It did for a moment but it has died down to the dullness that is has been since we broke up.

I agree with cloudten. It hurts, bad.

Good that you're not feeling as bad as you were before. I think setting the boundary is a good idea. Like I said, it's something I set myself back then and I'm so glad I stuck to it. It's been five months since the day I last looked at his Instagram and I'm SO happy I don't get to see the charade/parade that's undoubtedly going on there.

Put the focus back on yourself whenever you can.

I didn't mean to be hard on you... .just sayin'- why are you doing something that hurts and you know its probably going to hurt?

I have all sorts of excuses for why I do it... .but really there is no excuse. I shouldn't be doing it.

How long have you been NC?

I looked at my ex's instagram sunday night after telling myself not to. I was walking my dogs and thinking about her and got angry and just said f-it and pulled out my phone and looked up her instagram. and that made me more mad. there was nothing crazy on there, just her having fun with friends.

So then I took my anger out by going to the gym and that helped a lot.

Months ago she told me she was going to delete Instagram because it's all so fake. And that discussion helps me now knowing that while she might look happy in her photos, she knows it's all BS.

Don't beat yourself up too bad. Go do something good for yourself. hit the gym, go for a run, talk to a good friend on the phone about something else besides your ex. it will help.

We broke up 16 days ago. The first NC was 13 days but I needed some answers as she left our BU so open ended "i still love you and want to be with etc"

Then after we spoke, 1 day later she went to see the new guy I found her texting which caused us to break up. Then the same day she got with him on FB. Some drama happened between my friend and her because of their relationship going on FB.

The next day (3 days ago) she messages me to tell me to tell my friend he is blocked. Now I know she was baiting me into speaking to her so I ignored the text. After that she painted me black, blocked me on FB and thats is haven't heard from her since that text.

Hi kyon,

If I read right your ex went and met another man,understandably you was hurt and you have acted impulsively looking at her social media. Nothing wrong with that my friend but from experience the more you do this the more you will hurt yourself,my ex also tried baiting me into contacting her,when I did I was tossed away because i became too easy for her. I'm not sure if this is politically correct to say but when I genuinely didn't give a sh!t when we first split she was blowing my phone up,it seems the less available you are the more desirable you become. If you reply to her like a puppy dog she won't respect you buddy,I did it. I know your heads probably all over the place right now but don't keep hurting yourself by looking up on her,get to the gym,lift weights,use all your anger,pain etc to get in shape and feel good for you. I learnt chasing them only pushes them further away and you,get a kick in the teeth for your hassle. As hard as it is you need to look after you right now, and believe it or not when you get to the point where she no longer matters to you,that will be the time she wants you back... .just my 2 cents worth

I know it is so hard to ignore texts... .but as you get further and further away from the rollercoaster- you will see it for what it is... .i promise... .and you will never ever want to go back.

One of the things I am cherishing so much is how peaceful my life is now. When it isn't peaceful, it is because I have done something stupid like look at his instagram or his employee (now blocked) texted me and I met her for dinner.  Besides allowing that drama back into my life, it has been amazingly peaceful. It's stable. I am regaining my security. I don't have to try to figure out if he wants to see me or not. After 3 years- I still had no idea if he even wanted to see me after work. it was AWFUL.  Healthy relationships aren't like that! I deserve more- and SO DO YOU!

One of the biggest things I have learned in the last week is that I am in control of the drama.  My life will only be as dramatic as I allow it to be. And right now- cloudten has ZERO desire to be a black cloud... .It's butterflies and rainbows and white puffy clouds right now.

It still hurts to the core. I think it will for a very very long time.

Don't give into her drama. She is throwing you breadcrumbs to see if you are still there. You need to decide if you are still there... .and stick with it.

The sooner you free yourself... .the sooner you are free!  YOU are in control of your future.

I've been scanning my ex's social media a lot the last couple days, looking for patterns and red flags to help me in the future. It's a little tough because her FB is so locked-down (which in itself is a  red-flag), but I feel like I am understanding everything better, and know a lot more about what to watch out for should I happen to encounter pwBPD in the future.

It hurts now, but it is only making me stronger. I am resolved that my one BPD r/s will be my last.  :)

Thanks little oak, yeah from everything I have been reading, the more you pull away the more they want you. Such a strange dynamic. Her regret will be that by the time she probably wants me back I want to be a better me and someone who does not want or need her anymore.

Looking at the social media was tough but it also reminded me of who she really is. Someone who actually doesnt care about my feelings and that I need to find someone better.

It will be tough and I still don't know the future but I am set on not contacting her.

Good man... .you sound like you have these little moments of weakness just as I do,keep your chin up buddy,it's hard to accept advice when your hurting and your mind and body is aching and crying out for the ex but when you get to the point where she doesn't matter to you then you can look back and know you have your pride and dignity intact. Trust me she will pop up just when you forget about her and then you got to deal with that situation then,but for now post on here in those moments of weakness sometimes we just want to be heard by somebody who understands,I know I do. Sometimes we just got to fake it until we make it,walk tall and hold your head up high and be proud of you,it's hard but you can do it

Hope you ok.

I stupidly looked at my exes Facebook profile the other week he had pics of him having a good time and quite a few with the girl he got an STD from last year and thought he had feelings for. I don't know what they are, I would like to believe him when he says she just a friend but meh. It's funny how he takes selfies with her but never wanted em with me when he hates having his photo taken anyway.  

I try to remember in his "good time" photos even if he looks like his having a good time, he isn't, he's never happy really. In the past when I asked if he had a good time at an event or party it was either "it was alright", no enfuseism. I've witnessed him on a few nights out will go off talk to mostly girls or if he can't find a girl to hook up on he'll go sit in the corner on his phone been an introvert. I can't understand why his friends wants to be out with someone like that but hey not for me to say is it really. Even angers me when his out having all these good times and he doesn't think about our daughter. But anyway I'm off on one now.  I understand how you feel it is painful.