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Title: Struggling with the grief Post by: Climbmountains91 on November 25, 2015, 03:51:21 PM Tonight I text my EX to ask why he's being distant with me, he's just never been this way before he said ''he's doing it to protect me because we've hurt each other in the past its put him off a lil hanging out i do care but just been finding it hard''.
Its all so confusing in my head. I miss this time last year being in the idolisation stage but now I'm completely nothing in his life but as well at the same time I need to break contact, i'm in so much pain and grief, its not like we talk anymore anyway, only about our daughter but even in the devaluation stages previously it was never like this, he was never this cold so don't matter if we broke contact as i said we rarely speak. :'( :'( :'( Title: Re: Struggling with the grief Post by: C.Stein on November 25, 2015, 09:15:06 PM The complete cold detachment hurts like hell. I can't understand it at all. Paint me confused.
Title: Re: Struggling with the grief Post by: SandWitch on November 25, 2015, 10:52:36 PM I had to stop trying to look to my xBPDbf for understanding or consolation in the last days before I moved out. It set me back to feeling like I wanted to save us but he wanted an open relationship more than he wanted me so what was I saving? I wanted the euphoria when he idolized me, when we linked. It is like a drug. But like a drug it cost a lot, wore off, and more was needed to distract me from the parts of the relationship that were toxic. I am trying to self sooth my brain's needs (positive talk) and seek interactions with people who are real and healthy.
Title: Re: Struggling with the grief Post by: Hopeful83 on November 26, 2015, 12:44:03 AM Tonight I text my EX to ask why he's being distant with me, he's just never been this way before he said ''he's doing it to protect me because we've hurt each other in the past its put him off a lil hanging out i do care but just been finding it hard''. Its all so confusing in my head. I miss this time last year being in the idolisation stage but now I'm completely nothing in his life but as well at the same time I need to break contact, i'm in so much pain and grief, its not like we talk anymore anyway, only about our daughter but even in the devaluation stages previously it was never like this, he was never this cold so don't matter if we broke contact as i said we rarely speak. :'( :'( :'( Hi Climbmountains91 It's very difficult when the person who used to show us so much love gives us the cold shoulder. I went through this with my ex - one minute he was saying "You're the love of my life" "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you" "I'll always be there for you" and within a couple of weeks it was "I don't know how I feel about you anymore." All this because he'd seen a Z-list ex of his. I couldn't reconcile the two men - it was like the invasion of the body snatchers. He turned heartless in a heartbeat and I never saw my loving boyfriend again. I, like Sandwitch, had to stop looking to him for understanding or consolation. He made it easier when he found out I'd taken a bad fall down the stairs through a friend of mine and he didn't even bother to find out if I was okay. I realised that BPD or no BPD, something had switched within him, all logic had gone out the window and it was absolutely pointless trying to get any kind of sense out of this person. After all, if someone can switch personality and their line of thinking so quickly, then there's something going majorly wrong there. It's really tough. Do you have any kind of self-care practises in place to help you through tough periods? I started listening to my needs and doing nice things for myself in order to take the focus on him and back onto myself, where it belongs. Title: Re: Struggling with the grief Post by: Beacher on November 26, 2015, 12:46:47 AM I'm so sorry you are feeling such pain. The black/white thing and abruptness is so mind blowing and a healthy person has a hard time wrapping their heads around it. Such highs and lows. Keep busy, especially in this holiday season, and it will help. I go to a lot of movies just to get out and read too. Only time will heal but it's hard when those memories of joyous holidays come up and you wonder how you're going to get thorough it. But you will! And your daughter! Hang in there, lots of hugs
Title: Re: Struggling with the grief Post by: Climbmountains91 on November 26, 2015, 01:34:58 PM Tonight I text my EX to ask why he's being distant with me, he's just never been this way before he said ''he's doing it to protect me because we've hurt each other in the past its put him off a lil hanging out i do care but just been finding it hard''. Its all so confusing in my head. I miss this time last year being in the idolisation stage but now I'm completely nothing in his life but as well at the same time I need to break contact, i'm in so much pain and grief, its not like we talk anymore anyway, only about our daughter but even in the devaluation stages previously it was never like this, he was never this cold so don't matter if we broke contact as i said we rarely speak. :'( :'( :'( Hi Climbmountains91 It's very difficult when the person who used to show us so much love gives us the cold shoulder. I went through this with my ex - one minute he was saying "You're the love of my life" "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you" "I'll always be there for you" and within a couple of weeks it was "I don't know how I feel about you anymore." All this because he'd seen a Z-list ex of his. I couldn't reconcile the two men - it was like the invasion of the body snatchers. He turned heartless in a heartbeat and I never saw my loving boyfriend again. I, like Sandwitch, had to stop looking to him for understanding or consolation. He made it easier when he found out I'd taken a bad fall down the stairs through a friend of mine and he didn't even bother to find out if I was okay. I realised that BPD or no BPD, something had switched within him, all logic had gone out the window and it was absolutely pointless trying to get any kind of sense out of this person. After all, if someone can switch personality and their line of thinking so quickly, then there's something going majorly wrong there. It's really tough. Do you have any kind of self-care practises in place to help you through tough periods? I started listening to my needs and doing nice things for myself in order to take the focus on him and back onto myself, where it belongs. Thank you for all your reply lovely ones :) Can i just ask why do you think he meant by his comment i put? I guess as well i'm finding it extra hard as its that time of year that i found in the last two years we were on and off with eachother it was this time of year we tended to have recycles and just general good times. It was like this year we split from a 'recycle' in march and i stupidly thought 'oh in October he'll be back'' obviously that didn't happen and this time i think its really IT and just finding it hard to come to terms with that i know that sounds silly. I've been trying to focus on things and keep busy like i'm focusing on my fashion/beauty blog i have coming soon, been doing my therapy etc... I hate being without my daughter she's the only thing that makes sense right now but she lives with my parents 70 miles away while i recieve this therapy three days a week as its really intense long days. i see her at weekends. I stupidly will admit today i sent a text saying ''i've never wanted to hurt you, i f**** love you''. So not really helping myself there, argh! We're going to a gig Sunday that we booked ages ago not looking forward to that even though i want to, my anxiety's off the charts seeing him and i know its gonna trigger me, like Monday just gone seeing him for just 20 mins knocked me back for six as this weeks just been a total fail getting anything done because I've been feeling sorry for myself. Also his friends are going because non of my friends like this kind of music, no doubt they've all got an opinion on what an 'abusive crazy b___ i am'' lol |