BPDFamily.com

Hi,

I'm now 6 weeks N/C and I'm feeling alot better... .very proud of myself. I still think about my exBPDgf, but it's less painful and the rumination has decreased... .I miss her alot sexually, that's on what I have to work the most. I'm going to the gym more than ever, my diet is good, I go out more often and my moods are pretty good. There is a real progress!

I have a deep intuition that she could try to contact me by email or coming to my home (I have blocked her on FB and changed my cell phone number)... .Here is why I feel it:

- Christmas time

- Seasonal depression (she's from a tropical island and she's very depressed during fall/winter)

- I have seen that she changed her profile picture on FB ( I Can see it beside the comments she did on old pictures even if I blocked her?) She put the picture of her I prefer among thousand others(and she knows, I told her when we were together). She did'nt do it randomly... .almost impossible! she used to take 40 selfies a day :S

- 6 weeks ago (even if she was blocked) she sent me an email about one my daughter's picture that she was not supposed to see anymore... .she wrote (wow she is soo cute)... .I have concluded that she created another account... .and I found it... .so this profile is at 99% to stalk on me, checking my fb!

- My gut is telling me that she will do it soon... .and my gut almost doesnt make mistake.

So... .I feel good but not strong enough to face it... .not for the moment... .I know it's not sure she will try it but there's alot of chances. Can I be prepared for that? Am I anxious or just providing? Maybe there's a part of me that wish a contact... .just as a victory... .in my mind if she try means she is suffering and honnestly it is what I wish the most. I'm confused... .comments/advice... .thanks in advance!

Intuition is a funny thing. I have had feelings my ex was going to contact me and then within a couple of hours she did.

Comments... .

- If she is BPD then by definition she is suffering, but don't be so certain that it is because of you.

- There are no victories in BPD Land, only different degrees of defeat. Hoping she misses you is a defeat because she's clearly still on your mind.

Advice... .

You are 6 weeks NC and already noticing an improvement? Seems like you should keep a good thing going and not risk losing all your progress by returning to the chaos from whence you recently escaped. If she does contact you, just ignore* it and go right back to focusing on the good things (diet, gym, etc.)

*I realize it would be harder to ignore her if she comes to your house, but you can lock your doors and call the cops if you need to.

like I said before the only reason why it would be difficult to ignore her is sex... .it's still her strongest weapon against me! For the rest, I'm going in the right direction! Good point when you say that wishing her to fail is in fact my own personnal defeat.

Did she dump you?

Hmmmm noo... .I caught her many times on a dating site, playing in my back, after a couple of chances I kicked her out of my home! Then she tried everything to come back: crisis, very intense harassment, manipulation, suicidal speech... .and she was already rebounding... .trying to get me back while dating the replacement, no sense, woow! I had no any other choice to go no contact for my psychological well being.

Your intuition is always correct.  As the years went on in my relationship I was able to predict her every move.   Right now, I'm also about 6 weeks NC and I can intuitively sense something is brewing.  This holiday my sis and cousin have commented that she has reached out to them in the last month.  This just confirms my intuition.  It makes me a little sick to my stomach.  It makes me nervous and not in a good way. 

Continue your NC.  The sex would not be worth it.  Sex will make everything you worked so hard for emotionally, come back. 

Good luck to you my friend. 

Thank you Joem, I know sex would be only temporary... .I would feel so weak to have sex with her and for a 30 minutes high it doesnt Worth it!

I understand you when you say that it makes your stomach sick just by thinking she could try to contact you... .I feel the same way. This is the reason why I want to be ready if it does happen!

You need to give yourself time.  Time during NC has really helped me work on myself emotionally.  I need to be strong and get stronger.  We have four kids so it is impossible not to see her in the future.  But I will put it off until I am ready.  I'm glad I reached this point. 

Do NOT ever ignore your gut when it's talking to you. I know this sounds crazy but sometimes when I go into a store it feels like she is close or has been there... .One instance I found out she had been there just hours before. So never ignore it.