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we are both going to s gig tomorrow we booked agesss ago. As much as I wanna go I don't wanna go with him and his friends and I'm just dreading it. I'm either gonna be the doormat he walks over or if I say anything I'm an abusive b___ and I know his "friends" have opinions about me already. but hate that his being quite cold with me at the moment as well. I really actually don't wanna go.

Then maybe you shouldn't.  If you are this hesitant then going will probably set you way back in your healing process, regardless of what happens.

I was in the same situation last week.

Wanted to see the band, did not want to see ex after NC for 9 weeks. I knew it would set me back, set my stomach churning and and scramble my brain. But I wanted to see the band... .

Friends said "go, face your demons, you can't spend your life avoiding him". But my inner voice told me not to go, that discretion would be the better part of valor. That it wasn't time yet.

So I didn't go. I missed the band and I also missed all the anxiety and angst. Was the right decision for me. I felt relief as soon as I made up my mind.

Whatever your gut feeling is, follow it.  |iiii

I would feel disappointed with not going to a gig that I had set up with my ex, especially if it's a band that I really like. I think that your friends mean well with saying ti face your demons, I think that it's general term but can they relate with how hard a break-up is with a pwBPD? I would feel wracked with obligation and guilt with going but I think that what us more important is that we take care of ourselves. Its not a sign of weakness for not going, I think that it's a sign of self compassion. Maybe catch the next gig without your ex and his friends?

Thank you for your replies :) I cant believe someone in the world was in this same situation as me. Don't feel quite alone on that front now yay!

I've made up my mind, I am gonna go, this band really don't play live often, and why should I miss out just because of an ass and his sheep!  lol I know all your advise is actually the most wise thing to do so I do appreciate it.

Plus I kind of have to go really because ex stupidly told me to get a spare ticket incase any of 'my friends' wanted to go but non of my friends like that music so he found one of his mates that did so it wasn't such a wasteful ticket. 

So I guess just a case of grin and bare it.

Also scared because of some health issues I'm gonna faint like I did last time at a 'standing' gig. EXBPD having 0% empathy, always thinks I'm either lieing or wanting attention or something but meh whatever.

Wish me luck on my way there now lol!

Hope it was fab and all okay  :)

Ha the idolised friend is so up his hoo-harr! I  lol wow. Hope your having fun up there on the pedal-stall.

Just to let you all know it went ok than I thought it would. But it pained me that him and his idolised friend are inseprieble. There was five of us and after the gig one of his friends wanted to get food but we were all ok so 3 of us were waiting inside and ex BPD and idolised friend went out to "talk for a minute" and one of the friends that was getting food said "I remember when ex BPD used to talk to me about stuff" and I was like yeah know the feeling. Seriously they are joined at the hip these two, we were just like three tag alongs.

So you feeling OK?  No setbacks to your healing process?

I wouldn't say I was in a healing process at the moment but I need to start one because we've still been in contact but I planned after the gig I would write an email to break contact which I've already written to keep contact just to email. I just find the idolisation painful. I know I sound childish but ugh.

It's not childish ... .it's perfectly understandable.  I feel exactly the same.  The love of my life has given herself and her love to another man.  It hurts like hell!

That's probably normal! Glad you survived it tho |iiii