BPDFamily.com

I spent a long time analyzing what happened in our 1 year relationship. I'm mostly through that but still having trouble dealing with the aftermath that was left. The relationship itself had all the markers of BPD from everything i've read so far.

The ending was particularly dramatic and terrible. We had a fight, I ended it - I found out that she was trying to cause a rift between myself and my family - particularly through my sister-in-law, who adored her. My ex is very attractive, capable of being extremely charming and petite, as well as American - I live in another country. She left the house - she had done this before when upset. This time, she came back with a black eye and told me that she had fallen - that she had been at a party in the apartment complex and noted that she'd even drunk her own wine. I treated her medically as she wanted - she's an ex nurse. The next day she couldn't remember what had happened to her and I could already see the blame shifting to me. To cut a long story short, the American embassy got involved, they called my sister-in-law to assist and I was a initially a suspect with the police. I later learned that some of what she said of what had happened were lies, the rest was very selective and exaggerated info. She asked to stay at my sister-in-law's place and she agreed. In this time - she painted an extremely dismal picture of me according to my mother. She uploaded pictures of herself to her facebook profile and framed the story as wanting to empower other single women to be vigilant. She left on a flight a few days later, one of my friends, one of the friendship group that I'd met only twice before meeting again with my ex went to visit her before she left.

I didn't share anything on social media, I didn't contact friends, except one close friend. Some of my friends that are connected to her via FB reached out to me. At the time, I was still processing a lot of guilt about what had happened to her - if i'd gone to look for her, if i'd hadn't gotten mad she wouldn't have left etc. I took the stance of not talking about what happened unless someone asked - I thought it was the high ground to what I already suspected would be a smear campaign on me. My close friends know what happened. With my more peripheral friends I haven't spoken about the subject specifically. One or two asked and I told them but never put it down in terms of the malice she wrought on me. One girl couldn't look me in the eye when I spoke with her - she was shocked after I cleared the air and we're still friends. It seems my ex has been in contact and even hung out with a few of my less close friends (hung out when they went to the states) - even girls she didn't like. One girl recently blocked me on facebook. What frustrates me is that these friends  - albeit not that close - see her as very friendly person with a beautiful soul. I feel like I want to clear the air and tell my side, it's been 6 and a half months now. What frustrates me is that people don't ask to hear both sides. They assume everything a charming girl says is true. What frustrates me even more is that these friends of mine don't know that she put me in peril. I don't know how to go about setting the record straight or if should rather just leave the cards as they've fallen and walk away with my core friends, always be suspicious of perceptions of the more peripheral ones and just accept the loss of the others. I thought about posting something on facebook about what it's like to be in a BPD relationship since this is very difficult for many to understand but decided against it cause the motivation would be primarily passive aggressive in the sense that it ultimately seeks to have these friends read it and question what they know. I don't know what to do. Reach out purposefully and state why after all this time to each friend or just leave it. And how to even broach the subject if reaching out individually to friends.