BPDFamily.com

This past year since my uBPDex left me I have had made a lot of bad choices for myself (tried to force contact with her and force therapy on her when she wasn't/isn't ready).  I have become obsessed with DBT and what it could do for her, even though she has expressed no interest in getting help.  In the process, I think I may be the one who needs DBT.  I do not have many of the traits associated with BPD and for the most part (until this past year) I have lived a pretty mentally healthy and stable life.  This year though I have done things that I later regret and I think that if I would have handled my emotions differently I probably would not have done those things and I would also be feeling better.

Unfortunately, the closest DBT center is two hours away.  I do work a typical 8-5 job, but I think my employer will let me work around that if that type of therapy is what I need.  Most therapists in small towns know about BPD, but they know very little.  

What do you guys think?  Has anyone here gone through DBT for themselves?  I am not afraid of the workload of the program.  I owe it to myself to break out of this rut I have been in.  

I am sorry for everything you have been through.

I have often wondered this for myself- but have never followed through with it. I am finding CBT ineffective, or the therapist herself is not a good one. I do think that when we sleep with dogs, we catch fleas. I know I have bad learned behaviors from my r/s with my BPDx.

Most CBT therapists know very little about it, even in bigger towns. lol... .and even fewer of them are willing to diagnose the other person without knowing them.  Their concern will be with you- not with the ex.

Have you tried CBT yet?

hey abq1980 

my first question would be, what have you learned about DBT that you think applies to you? how do you think it might help?

cloudten- I haven't tried CBT yet.  I am meeting with a new therapist tomorrow morning, so I will see what she says is best.  I tried regular therapy for eight months, and while it helped, I still feel I need much more.  My therapist was nice, but I think I need somoene who knows BPD inside and out. 

once removed- I think I need help on regulating my emotions.  For the most part I am level-headed, but I have moments where I have bottled up my emotions and I can come up very angry.  I usually calm down quickly, but I would like to find ways to minimize my temper before I attack the people I care about the most.  I have purchased and read books on mindfulness, but I have hard time actually practicing it.

I have started reading "Stop Cartaking the Borderline" and it explains my situation pretty well.  I know that I was the type of husband who would bow down to whatever my wife needed, whether it was food, the tv show, or any other activity.  I realize now that I often bottled up my frustrations about her and then I would get angry at something that I normally would just let slide.  I may not need a full blown DBT program, but if that's what it takes to get better, I will do it.  I don't want to keep feeling the way I do over things I don't really have control over.

we also have a lot of dbt related tools and resources here, like mindfulness and radical acceptance that you may find helpful. theyre not easy concepts, i can see why youd have a hard time practicing mindfulness.

you might check out this resource, and then decide how you feel going forward.

www.dbtselfhelp.com/

I started DBT shortly after the breakup, and I've seen enormous changes in my emotional regulation. I appreciate the support and accountability in the group, but even finding a list of the techniques recommended in DBT might be useful. You need to try them and find out what works for you. The dialectical model and Wise Mind have been especially useful for me.