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Title: Got back together for about two weeks until we had another blow up last week Post by: bluejeans on December 02, 2015, 02:19:38 AM I am back on this forum to admit that I am having trouble again. My SO and I split up but had been still in contact almost daily, got back together for about two weeks until we had another blow up last week. I wasn't totally committed to getting back together and she realized that since I hadn't told anyone close to me yet. We have had so many break ups since July I can't keep track... .I was working with my therapist and it was going well in that I was feeling strong. Things changed, my SO was being nice again... .I skipped my therapy appointment because I didn't want to tell her. But I have gone back to CoDA (3 weeks in a row now) so that is something. I know the relationship is not good for me but I keep getting sucked back in.
Title: Re: Got back together for about two weeks until we had another blow up last week Post by: Skip on December 02, 2015, 05:37:25 PM Are you fighhting over the same things.
Title: Re: Got back together for about two weeks until we had another blow up last week Post by: livednlearned on December 03, 2015, 09:20:34 AM Your therapist probably figured it out :)
Therapists seem to know things we don't want them to know. Do the break-ups seems to follow the same pattern each time? LnL Title: Re: Got back together for about two weeks until we had another blow up last week Post by: Lucky Jim on December 03, 2015, 09:31:53 AM Why do you think you keep getting sucked back in? Maybe there is something you can learn from?
LuckyJim Title: Re: Got back together for about two weeks until we had another blow up last week Post by: bluejeans on December 04, 2015, 02:25:59 PM Everything is the same, same fights, same issues. Nothing has changed. Except I am more aware of the patterns and my role. I am still hanging on for some reason. The hope that things will change, I guess, but this is not realistic.
Title: Re: Got back together for about two weeks until we had another blow up last week Post by: babyducks on December 04, 2015, 02:35:40 PM Hi blue jeans
Have you gone back to see your therapist again? When you say you are more aware of the patterns could you describe how the pattern plays out? It's discouraging to be stuck in the cycle of conflict. Where are you today with your partner, in contact or is there some distance? Babyducks Title: Re: Got back together for about two weeks until we had another blow up last week Post by: bluejeans on December 04, 2015, 03:27:35 PM Haven't seen my therapist yet. Will call later today to set it up. The pattern in a nutshell is she rages, we break up, she comes around and is nice again, we sort of get back together or at least engage to some extent, over and over again.
My need to be writing here... .like journaling, it helps to get it out. Plus, I feel like I am making myself accountable. Today we are disengaged. She is living out of town trying to get her career on track (again). I am not going to contact her. Title: Re: Got back together for about two weeks until we had another blow up last week Post by: livednlearned on December 04, 2015, 03:51:16 PM The pattern in a nutshell is she rages, we break up, she comes around and is nice again, we sort of get back together or at least engage to some extent Do you notice certain things (topics, behaviors) that trigger these rages? How might she go from being nice to being angry? Title: Re: Got back together for about two weeks until we had another blow up last week Post by: babyducks on December 04, 2015, 08:01:08 PM To LNL's point there were indeed triggers to my partner's rages, I had a hard time identifying them because I was in the middle of things. It took another set of uninvolved eyes to help me unravel what was really going on. What do you think?
Title: Re: Got back together for about two weeks until we had another blow up last week Post by: bluejeans on December 06, 2015, 09:38:13 PM What triggers her anger is not getting what she wants when she wants it. It is either she is not getting enough or the right kind of attention from me, or I try to set a boundary and she pushes back.
Title: Re: Got back together for about two weeks until we had another blow up last week Post by: babyducks on December 09, 2015, 05:19:33 AM boundary enforcement and the mini abandonment of lack of attention are two tough areas. everyone struggles with them.
would you like some specific help with either or both? is there some part that you find particularly difficult? |