BPDFamily.com

As you might have seen from my last post, I'm convinced that what my mother has is definitely BPD.

I suffer many issues myself and I'm wondering now if I have BPD which I learned from my mother's behavior. (maybe I'm just paranoid and overthinking as usual lol)

Anyways I have lot of characteristics of borderlines such as lack of true self, not sure of my interests or strengths, need constant reassurance from others, can't make decisions without others advice, fear of being alone forever,  anxiety, depression, emptiness, not sure what to believe at times and insecurity.

The things I don't have characteristic of borderlines are I'm not manipulative, not selfish, don't self harm and don't have desires to, don't have angry outbursts or intense emotions. Also, I'm a huge people pleaser, I'm always so worried about making other people happy I often forget about myself so I would never share my feelings with someone especially if I feel it will upset them.

Hard to say. No one here is a doctor (and you aren't either 

We can, however, walk through various traits, talk, and hopefully heal, or at least deal in a healthy manner. Check this out:

Have Your Parents Put You at Risk for Psychopathology (https://bpdfamily.com/content/have-your-parents-put-you-risk-psychopathology)

Aside from the cases where BPD may spontaneously develop in an otherwise healthy family (it can happen, and probably more driven by inborn biogenetic factors), having a mentally ill and/or abusive parent can certainly cause us as children to take on certain traits. They might be direct mirroring of behaviors that we observed growing up. For example, I have waifish traits and tend to shut down or "run" from conflict, but I am much better in middle-age. Like you, I don't have inappropriate or uncontrollable anger. Periodic depression, however, can be somewhat disabling now and then though I hide it from the outside world well. I'm not biologically related to my mother either.

Hi DiagnosisX27

Many of our members raised by a BPD parent, find themselves struggling in their adult life with certain BPD-like traits. This doesn't necessarily have to mean that you have BPD yourself, it could also be the result of learned unhealthy behaviors and coping mechanisms you developed during childhood. Fortunately, these learned behaviors can also be unlearned or at least better managed, we recently had a thread here about this subject that you might find helpful:

Recognizing and dealing with our own unhealthy behaviors and coping mechanisms (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=281721.0)

Hi DiagnosisX27,

It is common for children of a BPD to pick up “flees”. I.e. attributes from our parents, but that is very different to having BPD. I think two central tests of a BPD are if you have empathy. People pleasers tend to have empathy, how else do you know how to please them ? So your term “I often forget about myself” is the opposite of BPD. Also manipulative, is a key BPD trait and here again you say you don’t have that (unless you’re lying in a cunning double bluff).

From the little you say, you sound more like a victim of a BPD parent that BPD yourself, but then I’m no Dr. But does it really matter, being BPD is no crime, it’s the behaviour we all produce that matters. And a BPD rarely changes their behaviour they would be highly unlikely to go looking for a diagnosis without being lead. Either way welcome to our family.  |iiii