BPDFamily.com

Hi All, My live in GF and I are struggling in a failing relationship... .She clearly exhibits BPD traits and has a long history of behavior to support this statement. She moved in a year ago with her two young children. I have two of my own.

Shortly after moving in, I began to notice odd behavior and uncovered a string of lies that she had told me around her life prior to me. Long story short... She hid a ten year opiate addiction that crumbled her marriage. She's on suboxone and up until six months ago was abusing the suboxone and still using periodically... .

I believe her addiction is due to her undiagnosed BPD... .I feel sad for her two kids and do not trust her anymore... .I think of my own two young children... .I would love the relationship to work but am not confident that she won't relapse do to her up and down emotions and addiction.

Anyone out there seen opiate addiction and BPD?

TG

My ex used cocaine in the past but claimed not to have used it for sometime.

I certainly saw no evidence of her doing so but every Saturday afternoon she would get a text from her (previous) supplier reminding her of what he had available.

We spent so much time together at the start that I know she wasn't following up any of these texts but I did find it odd that she was still getting them.

Yes, heroin, then meth, then, xanox, then, saboxin, weed, now prescribed drugs from a doc. 

Mine had (has) a bag of prescribed stuff that would put a decent chemist shop to shame.

Yes to prescription pain killers for her back, which replaced alcohol addiction.

It's all self-medicating, in my view, to avoid the deeper issues which pwBPD has an inability to face due to the nature of the disorder.

LuckyJim

Funnily enough mine's was for a sore back, amongst other ailments.

Is a sore back a common thing with BPDs as it's difficult to actually diagnose?

Mine's got a sore back too and has muscle relaxers and opiate painkillers, which he used to mix with copious amounts of alcohol. 

Lately he's been doing therapy and he is drinking less. Fortunately it's been a few years since I've seen him nearly OD'd on the mix of drugs and alcohol.

My wife currently will not actively seek help. I agree with Lucky Jim. Call it for what it is. It's self-medicating. For example, I FINALLY got her to a psychiatrist. He prescribed her Zoloft and basically said "we have to throw drugs at her and see what sticks... ."

She was off it within 24hours.

I found, what I thought, was another psych appt. It wasn't. My insurance is to blame(another story). She went to the appt and was given a script for Xanax. It was for 1/2x per day. She ended up taking around 4-5/day. She traded hydros with her girlfriend for some of them. After she was finished. She went through withdraw for a few days because she knew she couldn't get more so fast. I had to keep mine on my person bc I knew she would dip into them.

Drugs are powerful things.

Opiates especially.

After she went off the zoloft, she actually told me... ."I'm going to drink beer. It's as good a medicine as any... ." She would have a beer before work and taking our son to daycare... .

I'm still trying to find another psychiatrist.

Dealing with BPD is an extremely difficult road with many setbacks. 

Drugs can help take the edge off some BPD reactions/triggers but the real work is personal work. They have to want to work on it. Taking drugs is merely a mask for the pain they don't want to deal with and work on. Their behavior can be as strong as and like any drug addiction they may be suffering from. So its not about BPD and opiates, really.

You have to decide if you want to live in that existence because you can't really help them. They have to help themselves. Or there has to be some type of intervention. But alot of BPD's self medicate and maintain which causes decision-making on someone's behalf difficult when everyone around them knows they need help.

My husband had a severe heroine addiction using needles before he met me. He had a stint in jail and that is what caused him to become clean. He has not touched heroine since but the addiction to one drug doesn't stop at that one drug. It's a behavior trait that will not stop with the opiate. In 10 years of knowing my husband I know he has tried every drug in the book that he could try. I've seen him as an alcoholic, addicted to Xanax, addicted to weed, addicted to porn, addicted to internet, addicted to sugar. He pretty much gets addicted to anything. However he has not went back to the heroine as he knows I have a hard line against it. The alcohol upsets me but growing up the child of alcoholic parents I let it slide because I didn't really think it was going to be a problem when I met him. I prefer he be on the weed as it causes the least amount of problems and stabilizes his mood but it's illegal where I live.

My point being it's less about the specific drug and more about the addictive personality, She has an addictive personality and will most likely be addicted to something. I think my husband was addicted to me when we first met, I was his drug to take his mind off of his problems. Hence me not realizing that he had real underlying problems. For me at least, my husband always seems to need something to take his mind off of things and it's usually a substance.

My husband hid a lot of things from me when we first met. He told me he was 26 when he was 29, he was on probation and I had no knowledge of it, he even lied about how his Dad died. All of it came out eventually and his excuse was the he didn't think I would accept him (he is right I probably would have ran). But once all this stuff came to light I actually cared about him a lot, then another thing would come out. All of it I could understand why he hid it, except for the age thing.

Self soothing with drugs of one sort or another is common. It has to be dealt with before you can even work on the disorder. My partner had endless cocktails of painkillers including Oxycontin. It wasn't until she went under more monitored medication dispensing via medical system that this came stabilized. She is on an administered methadone tablets. Partly to prevent her craving opiates. Its still an opiate but it is a more controlled release and prevents the dysfunction associated with pill chasing.

Until you can clear behaviors triggered by addiction it is hard to do anything. Its not the addictions themselves its the chasing of supply with all the deceit that comes with it.

Just prescribing a box of pills and leaving a pwBPD to take sensibly themselves is hopeless. Organized weekly blister packs are a big step forward, so there is no early cashing in of repeats etc. It stops them focusing on it too, as they do have a magic pill mentality and if one is good then two must be better