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Title: Dating NPD and BPD - Repeating the Pattern Post by: SandWitch on December 04, 2015, 09:08:43 PM I need to have some interaction with the exBPDbf as some of my stuff is still at his place and I cannot have my mail forwarded unless he closes the mailbox so for now I have a key. We texted yesterday and I found myself slipping into that encourage him mode that is a skill of my codependent self. It props open a door to a slippery slope. My dating history is BPD central (they pick me and I fall).
My counselor gave me a sheet to read: Autobiography in Five Short Chapters I. I walk down the street . . . there is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost . . . I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out. II. I walk down the same street . . . there is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in, again. I can't believe I am in this same place, but it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out. III. I walk down the same street . . . there is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in . . . it is a habit . . . but . . . my eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately. IV. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. V. I walk down a different street. Title: Re: Dating NPD and BPD - Repeating the Pattern Post by: Michelle27 on December 04, 2015, 09:44:04 PM I like it. And it describes my 15 year relationship perfectly. Only it took until the last 2 years to get to the last 2 stages.
Title: Re: Dating NPD and BPD - Repeating the Pattern Post by: thisworld on December 06, 2015, 08:44:38 AM Thank you so much for sharing this. Something I will remember all my life.
Title: Re: Dating NPD and BPD - Repeating the Pattern Post by: Moselle on December 06, 2015, 09:19:30 AM Quote from: SandWitch link=topic=286969.msg12703916#msg12703916 IV. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. V. I walk down a different street. This is brilliant. Thanks for sharing Title: Re: Dating NPD and BPD - Repeating the Pattern Post by: hope2727 on December 06, 2015, 03:22:14 PM My ex used to quote that to me. What does that say? Weird. I sometimes think it was me not him. But in the end I have to remind myself that he cheated, lied, broke promises, raged, manipulated, abandoned me and ran a smear campaign. So nope it was him.
Title: Re: Dating NPD and BPD - Repeating the Pattern Post by: Moselle on December 06, 2015, 08:02:17 PM I think to avoid a new hole in the ground, we need to heal our wounds. I don't think it's enough to just know what to do intellectually. Our neediness may attract another taker, and they will attend to the neediness until we've fallen down another hole.
Title: Re: Dating NPD and BPD - Repeating the Pattern Post by: SandWitch on December 07, 2015, 12:29:56 AM Mission accomplished . . . but I am not sure I did well. Held the hug too long. I could have slept with him and I didn't. My body belongs to someone who loves me in a way I feel is love. I guess I did okay. He is wearing the ring he gave me on his pinkie of his left hand. He is courting a man online and they are going to meet. I think that I left about 2 weeks ago.
I felt protective but can see there will never ever be a life for us. NPD/BPD do not have that in them and he needs to court and capture new people - but still have a stable person at home. That is not enough for me - that does not feel safe or loving to me. What a sad confirmation of what my head already knows. Started the lessons under healthy dating. Thirteen qualities of what a love/soulmate would mean . . . he has 2 out of 13. At some point in life I would like have a dog - the man must love dogs. |