BPDFamily.com

Someone tell me how crazy it is.

She had two failed marriages

Another failed relationship that ended poorly

Lost custody of children due to unstable life, constantly moving, etc

Has at least extreme emotional insecurity or instability

Has very little money along with some debt

Has very little in terms of possessions

Fights we had were unhealthy (I share or take responsibility for these)

When she lived here she didn't help

Pay any bills to speak of

She left abruptly at least to me

She got on fb and did the play the victim role

She is loving going to bars with the single ladies and men probably too

She apparently although she says she wants her children back by her actions

Has done nothing to help that cause

Crazy huh?

Should be a no brainer for me

That sounds like someone who's had quite a bit of pain in their life.  Have you been able to start looking at your part in the relationship Scopikaz?  I notice you mention your part in the unhealthy fights; have you been able to see patterns in yourself and your behavior when those fights happened?  It's helpful to see what was ours and what was our partner's in these relationships, and own ours, as we detach and move beyond them.

I can tell you I was married 17 years and it wasn't a perfect marriage and we never fought to that extent. I'm not sure where the fights we had came from fully in terms of the intensity of them. I think they started out as "normal" fights, but she would invariably start crying, or lashing out, name calling etc, and I would then get more frustrated and ramp it up, etc. I am trying to look at where those feelings came from and I went to counselor last week and plan to continue.

Good move!  Working through all of that in the wake of a breakup can be very beneficial, a period of profound growth, and good for you!  And of course this site is a great resource too.