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Hey guys. I m in hope to get some feedback as to what this might mean. Long story short my childhood love who I believe is misdiagnosed Bipolar and really is BPD contacted me via Facebook and wanted me back. We had a phone affair for 2 months bc I live in NY her Canada and at the time are extinct schedules we couldn't meet. Anyway she pushed and pulled with me after my Mother had broken us up as 14 yr old teens. My Mother basically threatened her and after that my ex was never the same ex mental hospitals etc. when I tried to get back with her months later she started I love you /hate you . So at the time I had no idea about BPD. This was 1987. Now she finds me on Facebook 2 years ago and this June tells me she wants me back. Now at this time I was separated from my wife. Debating if we were going to get a divorce. I told my ex this when she said she wanted me back. I told her I also still loved her . After a week she started with push / pull. She must have ended things with me 6 times. And finally  in Sept dumped me for good. I had no ideas about BPD u til I started doing Reserch on line bc the way she acted never sat well with me as being Bipolar.  She exhibits all 9 of the symptoms that you have to be in order to be declared BPD. Her reason for dumping me was she felt we as adults were not compatible. When in every other text or FB messages she would say over and over again how compatible we were.  So I started to send her articles about BPD telling her I feel she was misdiagnosed and to go to a specialist. I only sent her 5 emails over a 2 month period and never spoke to her on the phone after she ended things for good. Anyway beige I knew it she had contacted my wife through Facebook. He told my wife that I was sending her all these articles and I'm convinced she is BPD. She then says to my wife if I'm married and myself and my wife are still together I should back off from her. I also found out through a mutual childhood friend that she had changed her profile pic from a heavy version of herself bc she had gained a little weight over a few months to a sexy pic and put it as her new profile pic via Facebook. Then the next day is when she sent my wife the Facebook message and it was my Exs Birthday to boot! Anyone wanna give any input of why she would say suck a confusing message? I felt like she was telling my wife well if your together again tell me to leave her alone. If not we can talk? Am I picking this up wrong? Thanks guys in advance.

Facebook and their behaviour can be very confusing.

One thing I do know is that just because they don't want you doesn't mean they want anyone else to have you.

Maybe messaging your wife was a way of prodding you to contact her.

Maybe she doesn't know what she wants but wants to know you are available just in case she decides she wants you back.

Maybe the sexy pic was to show you what your missing. Then again it could be just casting her hook out there to see who bites.

Whats more important is what you want? Do you want her back as she is or are you hoping she will change and hen get back with you? Do you want your wife back or are you just wanting a fresh start away from them both. Whatever it is your wanting you have to decide. They cant recycle you if you don't want them too and you cant recycle them unless they want to.

 Thanks you Enlighten Me. I agree with what you have said. I feel she contacted my wife bc she might have been "fishing" to see if we are still  together. I just don't get her. She had blocked me on Facebook in October and I'm still blocked , but yet I'm not blocked by any other social media ( cel phone, emails etc) just Facebook. So I feel if she wanted this to stop so to speak the way she told my wife she could have just "blocked " me from her cel and email and she didn't. Also I feel if she wanted me to stop so bad she could have just sent a email politely saying so. Then at the end of her message to my wife she said tell them to stay outta my life and focus on you and urs. After that email she sent another one 10 min later basically saying what she said all over again it worded it totally diffrent. I am totally confused. Enlighten me at this time my wife wants space and to be honest so do I. Do I still love my ex love yes I do. If she got help and I mean a lot of it I would want to be with her. But that's never going to happen.

Oh I also forgot to mention that she had unfriended her ex boyfriend on Facebook for me. Her idea an now I noticed from what my wife had shows me my ex is back being friends with him again. So I can bet my last buck in the bank she recycled him.

Hey Confused-

Whoa.  Your story is very similar to mine, including 1987 and all the Facebook stuff, interesting.


Have you spoken to your mother about her recently?  Mothers can be overprotective of their children, especially budding adolescents, but maybe your mother saw traits you didn't back then, and that could be helpful now.  Plus, your life and the women in it are in flux right now, and your mother was the first woman you had an emotional connection with, so that conversation could be fruitful on a couple of levels.


All the more reason to talk to your mother, or at least think about your relationship with her growing up.  I thought I 'loved' my ex too, but was it really love?  In my case it felt like the intensity of an addiction, but it wasn't love, and where does that intensity come from?

enlighten is right:


When you say "She must have ended things with me 6 times. And finally  in Sept dumped me for good." you're giving her all the power and control, which is not a healthy relationship, and the only reason she was able to end things 6 times is because you took her back 6 times.  That's where all the growth is, digging into all that and your relationships with your mother and your wife, to discover why you do what you do.

You now potentially have a can of worms opened up by telling her about BPD, Facebook, and the fact she is starting to triangulate with your wife.  This could be good news really, when you start to dig into all of this stuff, borderlines can be the catalyst for great change, and at the very least these events have shaken up your relationship with your wife, which is a good thing really, you can now possibly have the conversations you might not have had before and maybe save the marriage, decide what you both really want anyway, borderline tornadoes tend to blow away the fluff and leave what's real if you let them.  Take care of you!

Maybe as she has blocked you it has more to do with her ex if she is back with him.

"Ive blocked confused as he keeps hassling me. Ive told his wife that he needs to leave me alone. Arent I being a good girlfriend".

My story is similar to yours with my exgf. First met her in 1988. She got in touch with me again in 2011. I never knew anything about BPD until after we split up when like you I needed answers to her behaviour.

Funny thing is my mum also said after we broke up that even when we first dated all those years ago that my exgf was selfish and everything always had to be about her. At the time I was oblivious but that's young love for you.

Another thought is that she has left the door open for you by not blocking you everywhere only in the most public place fb. She also hasn't directly told you to leave her alone. Maybe she thought you wouldn't find out as your wife might not tell you.

I always had a wonderful relationship with my Mom. I spok to her about everything. She loved my ex because I was friends with her for a year and a half before we started to date. Once my Mom foun out she basically threatend my ex and scared the crap outta her. My ex is from India so she came here when she was 12. She was a very kind girl when I meet her. Straight force ward  with her feelings ,knew what she wanted etc. After my Mom she broke so to speak. I was told she cried an cried over me for months. Some o our mutual friends told me. Then she snapped one night at her house and her parents commited her into a mental hospital for 2 months. After she came out our friends said she was never the same. She became this diffrent person.

Update: I am still seperate from my wife and we most likely are getting a divorce. But my soon to be ex wife contacted my Undiagnosed BPD ex girlfriend and basically told her that we are still together and ou marriage sitting etc. All lies. My ex Girlfriend then responds back to my wife and tells her that she and her ex husband are in the process of getting back together. I don't know what to believe! Just last Monday she gives such a confusing message of if I"m still married and together with my wife I should "back off" from her. Not once was there any mention of her going back with her ex at all. She ten tells my wife that her and her ex think it's best we stay out of each others lives and that her ex wanted to get a no contact order against me , but she feels it's not necessary. I just don't know what to think of this? Is my ex girlfriend lying bc she thinks I'm gonna stay in my marriage when I'm not? I'm afraid to contact her now bc of what she said about the No contact order. Anyone want to help shed son light  on this? I have not heard from her in months .