BPDFamily.com

It's been a year since I left. My ex got with an acquaintance of mine and I feel like I kind of pawned her off on him so I could leave, which is whatever, I couldn't care less. Like attracts like. So I'm wondering just what the deal could be with them.

After the breakup, and about a month into their new relationship so to speak, I texted her to talk about things and got a really immature response, how she was so happy with him, etc. and calling me names. I found out a few months later she was pregnant. She had gotten pregnant a month into seeing him and sent me this email 6 months into this pregnancy (her second child; both he and her live with their parent(s.))

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=281624.0

I have a friend who went through the same thing, but he had the kid with her. He assures me its just codependent toxic bullsh*t once again, and when he read the email he pointed out every single logical fallacy, namely the lack of accountability. I also feel like she'd one day come back around and try to talk to me again if things go south with them, thinking I'd want to raise two kids amongst her disrespectful behavior, not to mention the fact she gave me STDs.

I suppose my question lies in the fact that this guy she's with, when we hung out, seemed intelligent and like a decent person at heart. Does any of this sound like there's a chance they've managed to find love with each other? It seems she was just dead-set on having a kid, but I know there's a possibility he wanted children. I also know its unhealthy to be caught up in others' affairs but I just want to get this off my chest and stop thinking of them as being "right" and me being the one who just didn't know how to handle things.

Idealize, devalue, discard. That is the BPD pattern. He will suffer the same fate.  The length of each of the 3 phases may be different but the process is the same. The BPD does not magically become cured in the next relationship.

1. I think sometimes that some of the codependent behaviors I had caused her to act that way.

2. She never really devalued me, at least not with words. After the first two years she did start talking to other guys online. I can't remember all the events and details so its hard to recall what she said or did. I mostly just worked and tried to avoid being around.

3 and most importantly, if she had the wounds that she referred to in her email, wouldn't she need to take time to heal after our breakup? Even if you're emotionally checked out of a relationship, wouldn't a normal person need time to heal and reevaluate what their needs are in the next relationship before jumping in?

I wouldn't underestimate the attachment that a child brings, not to say that a child makes ruing better, but that a kid requires work. If I hadn't had a kid, my r/s wouldn't have lasted 8 months, which was our first and only recycle point. A few months later, she was pregnant. About 4.5 years and another child later we were done. I may resemble the description of her current bf. What I'm saying is that you can't predict the future.

As for your question 3, are you assuming here that she would deal with a break-up like you would?

Ruing? Do you mean "everything?"

In a way, sure. I'm assuming that any human being would need time after a breakup so they don't wind up in another unhealthy relationship.

I also wonder what life would've been like had I stayed and had a kid with her.