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Title: Spouse of 14 years pushing me away Post by: Huskypilot87 on December 09, 2015, 10:17:45 AM Good day all.
I've been with the same woman for fourteen years married for 5. I love her to death but this is reaching new levels. The things that she has done to me are 10x worse than even the most distressed "normal" relationships. I guess in some way I'm at fault because I've let it happen. She is in dbt, goes to therapy, takes meds but still has these daily episodes where I literally have no idea what she will do. I feel trapped and frankly scared due to some of the things she has done in the past. She will go to incredible lengths to hurt or get what she wants. We just moved out of state for my job. I thought things would get better but I swear she is already up to no good all over again. There are times I wish she could just be committed and let the kids and I live our lives. We've almost been divorced probably 4-5x. I'm learning I've probably been a codependent in this relationship. I just want to be happy. It's like she takes it from this whole household the moment we have some. I am a happy person, very accomplished, spiritual and more. Living with her though, once I am home from work, life is about nothing more than her, her emotions and problems, and more. Title: Re: Spouse of 14 years pushing me away Post by: GVincent on December 09, 2015, 11:33:37 AM Husky,
hang in friend. I'm a newbie too, but I am in almost the same boat -astonished at what this person I thought I knew, 15 years together, 1 son, could do to me. BUT, then I realized, she's not doing anything to ME. I'm just the same as I always was, better, now that we are separating (again) and WILL this time divorce. I have good and bad days, and like you, I love her to death. I WANT her to be someone else, I want to not be codependent, I have a FANTASY of what ifs and shoulda, coulda, wouldas. But here's the thing I am slowly realizing, at least for me, and I've made the decision to move on, even if it's recent (maybe you want to make it work -more power to you!). But the thing is, for me at least, when I draw back and observe MYSELF in the relationship, I don't want to be that guy anymore. No one deserves to be treated like that and more importantly, what's wrong with ME that I would accept it? I gave away my "power" my self-esteem, my ego, and I got NOTHING in return. So, I can't tell you what to do. I don't know if anything I've said makes sense, but I DO feel your pain, I've been there, and even now, sticking to LC, no choice, I love my son, is the best policy for me. I almost cried today talking to a family friend about how I'm starting to imagine the future as a light wonderful place full of possibilities... .it wasn't for 11 out of 15 years with my poor sick ex. I love her, I wish her well, I hope she figures out how to get treatment and work on herself. I cannot save her, I will not kill myself trying any more. I need to save myself and my son. Peace, G |