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Title: Do I have a Narcissistic wound after 15 years with a pwBPD? Post by: Moselle on December 09, 2015, 12:17:34 PM I think "Yes", why else would I have stayed so long?
The idealisation phase appealed to my wound abd I stayed because I was hooked. Title: Re: Do I have a Narcissistic wound after 15 years with a pwBPD? Post by: Mutt on December 09, 2015, 10:39:30 PM Moselle, I hear regret in your words. I stayed because we were married with kids. I took my vows seriously. I see life like there are good patches and bad patches and often the bad patches are longer than the good patches but you work through it. It's not so simple to leave a significant other when there are kids involved.
Title: Re: Do I have a Narcissistic wound after 15 years with a pwBPD? Post by: Moselle on December 10, 2015, 03:01:39 AM Thanks Mutt,
Yes some regret. Someone suggested I radically accept it. Which I thought was great advice. Acceptance is a choice and I can feel it's power. I never really thought about leaving and I enjoyed my life with her. But i couldn't handle the abuse, betrayal and destruction in the hatred phase. I put in my boundaries and she chose not to respect them. Sad but her choice. My kids are with her and that drives me a bit crazy. Divorce is stuck because she wants primary care as awarded by an interim judgement. Title: Re: Do I have a Narcissistic wound after 15 years with a pwBPD? Post by: Mutt on December 10, 2015, 09:06:17 AM My ex wife took the kids and left me and she assured me that I would see the kids as much as I like and we would both pay for the kids needs together. She also went NC and denied me reasonable access to the kids. What she had proposed sounded like at least shared custody but what she did was let me have the kids every second weekend. She told me what she thought I wanted to hear before she left.
I understand feeling a little bit crazy because we don't see the kids. I also think that radical acceptance is a good choice, peace is a powerful feeling. Do you think that perhaps you are being a little hard on your self by saying that you have a narcissistic wound that's why that you stayed for as long as you did? I think that you have the right perspective when you're looking back on your relationship because your looking at both the good parts and the bad parts and not all of one or the other. High conflict divorces are hell. I recall waiting in the front lobby before court was in session for and I saw the hurt and resentment from some of the parents and I thought I wish that I had spent a day in family court before getting married because this is hell. Maybe I would have thought twice about marrying my ex wife. There are a lot of good things to take away from the experience of your relationship that you can take with you moving forward. Do you feel regret because things headed to a high conflict divorce? |