BPDFamily.com

I was Facebook friends with my former friend BPD for a whopping six days recently.  This was the first time we were friends on there.  I had seen her timeline before (we have mutual friends) but never had the chance to really comb through it.  Generally speaking, it's incredibly boring because her life is incredibly boring.  It's mostly a lot of "Oh, X just happened to me.  Having such a bad day" posts, mixed with "inspirational" quotes and passive aggressive messages aimed at people who are annoying her at the time.  

On the day she unfriended me and blocked me, she shared a quote that is a combination of the poem ":)o Not Fall in Love with People Like Me" by Caitlyn Siehl and the last two lines of another poem.  I'm sure many of you have seen it before,  As soon as I read it, I knew that this recycle was coming to an end.  I just know her too well.  This was the first time I've seen her post anything like this, so it was a bit surprising.  She's posted all kinds of things about depression, anxiety, and night terrors before, but nothing this intense.  The worst part is that people who don't know her well were liking the post.  I felt like commenting on it and saying, "Read this poem carefully, people!  She is describing herself."  Of course, I am a mature adult and refuse to start drama on social media, so I just let it go.  

The original poem itself is bad enough, but over the years, the people on the interwebs have decided to add this to the end of the one stanza: "I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people."  This addition really got to me because my former friend told me once that she would destroy me.    

If you've never read the original poem before, here it is:

":)o Not Fall in Love with People Like Me" by Caitlyn Siehl

Do not fall in love / With people like me. / people like me / will love you so hard / that you turn into stone / into a statue where people / come to marvel at how long / it must have taken to carve / that faraway look into your eyes

Do not fall in love with people like me / we will take you to / museums and parks / and monuments / and kiss you in every beautiful / place so that you can / never go back to them / without tasting us / like blood in your mouth

Do not come any closer. / people like me / are bombs / when our time is up / we will splatter loss / all over your walls / in angry colors / that make you wish / your doorway never / learned our name

do not fall in love / with people like me. / with the lonely ones / we will forget our own names / if it means learning yours / we will make you think / hurricanes are gentle / that pain is a gift / you will get lost / in the desperation / in the longing for something / that is always reaching / but never able to hold

do not fall in love / with people like me. / we will destroy your / apartment / we will throw apologies at you / that shatter on the floor / and cut your feet

we will never learn / how to be soft

we will leave. / we always do.

WoW this must have made your heart drop. But it does perfectly describe the BPD.

SS,

This is unbelievably surreal.  What an accurate depiction of a relationship with someone afflicted by BPD.  I literally got chills reading this.

LF

I woke up the day before with a knot in my stomach.  I could just tell that things were going downhill quickly.

Friday - Contacted me again, texted me for an hour in the afternoon and then a little bit in the evening

Saturday - Texted me while she was at work, even mentioned my mom, told me to "sleep tight" when I said goodnight

Sunday - More texting, though not as much as the two days before that, and it was clear she only cared if the conversation was about her

Monday - Texted in the morning, called me by my nickname for the first time since June, joked with me, texted me throughout the afternoon and evening, went "quiet" after jokingly asking if the dinner I made was edible, never replied when I said goodnight

Tuesday - Short reply to a text about the awful weather, made it clear that she was at work at had no intention of texting me back (fine), thanked me for telling her to drive carefully in the fog, texted "Sure" when I asked much later if she could do me a favor

Wednesday - Told me I was ridiculous for asking her not to end our conversations with "Ok" (the last message I got before she tried to kill herself and the last message I got before she discarded me in September, so it bothers me) because there was "no way she could remember that."  Told her to try and then saw a post on Facebook about her spending the day with her sister, texted her and told her to have fun.  Texted her later and said, "How about I just remind you if you forget to not end with that?"  She replied, "Sure" and then went silent.  

Thursday - Rejected the Instagram follow request I sent a few days before that, ignored my texts, made a big show of posting to Facebook, posted to Instagram.  I sent her a text about how she was probably telling people I'm crazy like she always does when she's done with me.  She got mad, told me it wasn't working, said goodbye, and blocked me.  

She refuses to actually end things officially.  She keeps saying goodbye but keeps coming back.  This time felt pretty final, but so did the other two.  

The worst thing is that there are all of these people online who romanticize the poem or say things like, "Oh, this is totally me!" when it isn't even close to being them.  This is BPD.  This isn't "cute" or "romantic." 

I don't care who it is.  If someone I'm friends with shared this poem and didn't have any explanation with it, I would have a lot of questions.  It just boggled my mind when people started liking it on her timeline. 

Wow, very moving!    That poem exactly describes a pwBPD. 

Do you know any history of this poem or if was actually referring to someone with BPD or another mental illness? 

Yes, this is BPD song.

I remember one moment from my relationship:

She said to me that she can love so much to die for me. And I believed her. And I felt happy.

Now? Now I want someone to love me so much to live and go through life with me.

Summerstorm, the poem probably appeals to a lot of so called 3rd generation feminists who think it's about "girls kicking ass". The majority giving it a thumbs up on your ex gf's page probably just think it's about empowering women and know nothing about BPD or other mental disorders.

Not really sure.  I get the feeling the poet isn't that famous.  On most websites, those two lines that aren't even from this poem are usually included, which is a pretty good indication that not many people even know the entire poem in its correct form.  You don't see people accidentally adding lines from a Shakespeare sonnet into an Emily Dickinson poem.  

I searched through the poet's Twitter account.  It certainly seems like she has something going on.  Her Amazon author blurb mentions something about "healing."  Some tweets definitely triggered me.  She's 23, and a lot of her tweets reminded me of things my pwBPD, who is also 23, would tweet.  

Very possible.  That being said, I consider myself a feminist and see nothing positive about this poem.  Of course, I am also an English teacher and am used to analyzing poems and picking apart words. 

If it's her putting herself in the skin of another (possibly BPD suffering) person then I guess she's managed to put something across. If it's her own thoughts put to paper then she exposes herself as a vindictive child who should be given a very wide berth.

A review I read on Amazon said her poetry has bombast but little else and it soon gets repetitive. Either way I've read better accounts of the BPD afflicted mind.

SS,

Back to your texting parry with your ex.  I've decided to move toward an "solicited" only stance which means that I'll only respond when solicited.  For instance, the last time I responded to a text from my ex was almost three weeks ago. I won't reconnect unless she contacts me first and then my response will depend on the context of her text.  She'll typically contact me with a text that invites a response--- which really just amounts to a fishing expedition on her part.  I'm not trying to act immature or childish by perhaps not responding but the ongoing back and forth with no apparent end game is fatiguing.

SF

I'm blocked and only reply now when I'm unblocked and she sends me a text.  I don't try to communicate with her in any other way.

SS,

Good boundary.  Distance + time = objectivity and clarity.

LF

wow, I think this poem is textbook narcissistic and hell, of course we will be able to go to all those beautiful places without being affected by their memories in the slightest - technically, that's the final step of healing and detachment and I'm very sorry for all these entitled people but it does exist  :)

I think one thing we should never forget is that we are wounded, but basically we are healthy to a degree. That is, whenever we are triggered emotionally, there probably is a reason (though in some circumstances there may not be).  I find what this person did very invalidating for you. My emotions would respond to this the way they respond to covert aggression (I don't use the term passive aggression because, actually, there is nothing passive in it). Honestly, I would feel this even if I understood the other's possible perspective (for instance, feeling pained because of what has happened and trying to convey that). To me, the two may exist together and the other person's intentions or feelings do not necessarily mean that I should disregard or ignore mine. Then compassion/sympathy is possible only from a point of detachment. Also, I know now that whenever I'm feeling a strong attack of emotions there is probably some manipulation going on.     

Congratulations on not getting involved, that's admirable strength.