BPDFamily.com

So this is very frustrating. My BPD daughter who is 18 and on probation for domestic violence failed a random drug test and the judge put her in jail for a probation violation. This is not a little local city jail. She's at the county jail and we live in a major metropolitan city. This was her first probation violation. The plan was that he would release her to go to residential treatment. Well I arranged a RTC for her at a place three and a half hours away and now they don't have a bed and may not until Dec 18th. I started that process more than two weeks ago, before she was put in jail, because it was obvious she was spiraling again. She's done IOP five times and PHP twice. Clearly she needs a higher level of care but it's so hard to find and insurance wants to see the patient fail at all levels of outpatient treatment before they will approve to pay for expensive residential treatment. I've been trying to get her into residential for two years. She was on a waiting list for an adolescent facility last year but aged out of it before a bed became available.

She's been in jail since last Thursday and I was told Friday this RTC would have a bed on Monday only to find out they don't as they had 9 admissions scheduled. Unless someone does not show up or leaves treatment she'll be in jail for another week. The backup plan is that the county ordered an assessment today and will see if they can place her elsewhere. This is difficult because we've been denied Medicaid twice and most of the county places only except Medicaid. It's damn near impossible to find a RTC that takes private insurance that does not have a huge out of pocket cost.

She calls me daily begging me to bond her out which I have refused to do but now her mental health is failing as she's only getting two of her 8 meds. For whatever reason they will only give her lithium and paxil. She has bipolar disorder too and needs to be on Latuda and other meds to manage her mood.

I can't get anyone at the county to call me back. They basically don't care. I am so mad that the RTC I arranged told me they had room for her and now they don't. The place the county is trying to place her in will most likely refuse her as her mental health issues are severe and I had already exhausted all local places so unless they change their mind due to her current situation she will be in jail for another week.

And my high deductible kicks in Jan 1. The plan was to get her in the treatment center at the beginning of December so she could have 28 days paid for.

I don't even know what to do at this point. It's not okay that she's not getting her meds yet my hands are tied. Bonding her out is next to impossible as she's has a $50,000 bond and I don't have $5000. And I don't think it's wise to bring her home anyway as she'll go back to running the streets, using drugs, and god only knows what else until she gets some real help.

It's horribly heartbreaking to have my child in jail. Does she deserve it? I was good with her being there for a weekend as I hoped it would be a wake up call that she needs to embrace treatment and get her life on track. However, jail is not treatment and at this point and may due her more harm than good without her meds and the extreme stress.

She has no coping skills and is falling hard. I have tried to tell her I am working on getting her into treatment and to hang in there. She's mentally ill and needs help yet is stuck in a very broken system. 18 year olds are not emotionally adults and she has the emotional maturity of a 13 year old.

We had a mentally ill woman with bipolar disorder killed by police a little over a year ago here. Few details were made public. She was having a crisis and her family called for help yet she died in police custody. She resisted arrest and was handcuffed and put in a police car and died. Why? That's not been made public to my knowledge. Her name, yes she has a name, was Tanisha Anderson.

I have no faith in this system and fear my daughter will become suicidal in jail and die. She's tried to kill herself twice at home while medicated and under much less stress. I begged her probation officer for help today. He said they are working on it. What they are working on may be to little, too late.

I have a full time job and another child to care for. This is a nightmare. The only upside is selfishly it's been good to not have her here as it's a break and it makes me really sad that I feel that way.

What a nightmare! I am so sorry, Slwinner... . 

Please don't beat yourself up about feeling relieved at your daughter's absence. Trying to help our child and to keep them safe can be exhausting, and you have another one to take care of too.

Do you know who's in charge of the medications for your daughter? Have you been able to talk to anyone in charge about why she's not getting her medications?

Perhaps talking to a lawyer about your daughter's situation with her medications and about keeping her safe while she is in jail might reveal some helpful information?