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I'm mainly looking to ease my anxious and troubled mind, but I did find an unauthorized program on my D13's phone yesterday that tracks the phone and can be used to make/receive phone calls without detection (and not restricted by my parental curfew).  Her internet account shows her talking to stepsister past the curfew I set on her phone.  I tried to research what to do, but two things have happened:

1.  I am freaking out by learning about a lot more programs that track your location that can be hidden in clothing, molded into rubber/plastic, (found a GPS for sale that looks like a car charger adapter, so it uses the car's battery)

2.  I am only finding out how to stop them, not how to locate the originating source

Backstory: When I told ex that I talked to our D13 about taking her phone to his house, so I can call her (after 3 weeks of difficulty contacting her), he responded by getting her a new phone that she came back to my house with.  We decided not to keep it (because of fear of what he may put on it), but I'm worried because she is coming back with more things/clothes from his house (bringing back the clothes she wore to see him in a bag).  I want her to be able to bring some stuff of hers back from his house (she only goes there 2~ times a year), but I also need to learn how to test for Bluetooth, RFID, Wifi, and any other monitoring/tracking devices in our home.  With that, I would want to find the originating IP/Location, so we can request a search warrant, press charges, and issue a restraining order.

I can't tell my D13's stepmom that we are at risk for being tracked and I can't tell stepmom why I am afraid.  I could only talk to stepmom if I could prove something first.  Then, I can give past experiences and share my story, so she can decide how to protect her children.  Right now, I'm silent because my stories are so extreme that anything I say will just make me look like a crazy ex-wife and support to further alienate D13 from me.  

Please help.  We are leaving to visit family for Christmas next week and even though I am required to tell him where we are staying, I don't want him to know where my mom, grandpa, and many other family/friends live specifically.  I've already got plans to check everything she has from him, but she might be hiding the phone he bought her, she might've helped him load something into my phone or D13 might sneak other things that he tells her to hide from me and always keep on her.

Please Please Please Please Please and Thank you.

The feeling that you can't trust your own child and are being stalked is just awful, I totally understand.

I'm not techy so I can't help, I'm afraid, and it looks like others are not really sure either. May I suggest that you post this on a forum like Reddit (without all the details about your D and ex, just ask if they can suggest how to test for Bluetooth, RFID, Wifi, and any other monitoring/tracking devices in your home. I bet someone there can help you out. Good luck!

I know how this feels.  :'(

I went down this path too. One thing I learned is that some towns actually have forensic IT police officers -- it's their jobs to investigate IT crimes. I don't know if that's something you have where you live. If so, it may be a resource to help you understand what you can do.

There are also stores that specialize in software/surveillance devices and their staff may have ideas about how to test for radio frequencies or whatnot. If you live in a state where people grow marijuana, these stores may be easier to find... .

You could also ask your lawyer if there are any forensic IT experts and ask to consult with them about how you can safeguard your privacy. Their job is to make sure they can get the evidence and keep it pristine (not tampered with) so that it can be used in court, which could help you if you do find something.

In my state, it's a felony to put surveillance software on a device that you didn't purchase. There are some variations on the law when it involves kids, and again when it crosses to another home with an ex spouse.

I haven't heard of the clothing/tracking devices. Do they work even when they're washed? If there is something loaded on your phone, you may notice the phone battery dies quickly, or feels hot (more than usual). Often, these programs send a big file once a day, like at midnight. A forensic IT guy can identify the program in a way that doesn't mess with the software (I think), but it might cost you ~$500 to pay for them to check.

I would be most concerned about the car   for tracking.

And I agree you want to find evidence before you talk to people about your concerns.

My ex is very IT savvy, and I went through a lot of the same concerns. I just found out yesterday that even though I'm not gov staff, my info was compromised in the gov data hacking. In the note I received from the Office of Personnel Management, it says that my info might be included in the data breach of a spouse ordered a background check on me.    I also found out from the IRS that he requested I be audited.

It's only paranoia if it's not happening.  

  There are firms out there that offer security services and monitoring.  It can be a bit pricey, but they are good at what they do.  Ask about the background of their workers.  If they are ex Secret Service (or other federal alphabet agencies) they most likely have the skills you need.  I went to the Navy and a buddy of mine from high school went to Secret Service.  He got a certification to testify as to what was on peoples computers and hard-drives.    Really amazing stuff.  Especially to watch him recreate an "erased" hard drive.       

FF