|
Title: how can one recover from this if i started with trust issues Post by: Didntdeservethat on December 16, 2015, 04:07:31 PM My ex bp, scitzophenic BPD gf was clearly trying to get financial control and i ignored numerous red flags in the spiraling kaos that ensued as it was she gleaned $450k over three years but that aside ive been told it was a lucky escape. If it wasnt for her mental health i believe i would've been a victum like the other old men her friends had managed to marry one of her friends at 25 married an 80yo divorced 3yrs later and got a $10m payout.
My question is for someone who had trust issues before her and obviously now is wondering if he may ever love again how can i get past this traumatic experience. Has anyone suffered a similar experience. Title: Re: how can one recover from this if i started with trust issues Post by: Mutt on December 16, 2015, 04:22:11 PM Hi Didntdeservethat,
I have trust issues from childhood ( abandonments ) and I learned that not everyone is going to treat us like our ex partners. What I found really helped is setting limits, boundaries, self protection with people that direct bad behavior my way. Boundaries is about self compassion, self love and boundaries protect our values with an invisible outward layer. When I started asserting boundaries, I found that I started pulling people with good behavior and values closer and it keeps people with bad behaviors out. I think that it's about trusting the right people and boundaries helped there. Signs of healthy relationships: Excerpt Some of the characteristics of a healthy relationship are: Respect - listening to one another, valuing each other's opinions, and listening in a non-judgmental manner. Respect also involves attempting to understand and affirm the other's emotions. Trust and support - supporting each other's goals in life, and respecting each other's right to his/her own feelings, opinions, friends, activities and interest. It is valuing one's partner as an individual. Honesty and accountability - communicating openly and truthfully, admitting mistakes or being wrong, acknowledging past use of violence, and accepting responsibility for one's self. Shared responsibility - making family/relationship decisions together, mutually agreeing on a distribution of work which is fair to both partners. If parents, the couple shares parental responsibilities and acts as positive, non-violent role models for the children. Economic partnership - in marriage or cohabitation, making financial decisions together, and making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements. Negotiation and fairness - being willing to compromise, accepting change, and seeking mutually satisfying solutions to conflict. Non-threatening behavior - talking and acting in a way that promotes both partners' feelings of safety in the relationship. Both should feel comfortable and safe in expressing him/herself and in engaging in activities. Characteristics of Healthy Relationships (https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a115.htm) Setting Boundaries and Setting Limits (https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries) |