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Title: FOO Issues and Rejecting Diagnosis Post by: SummerStorm on December 17, 2015, 06:22:22 PM I usually post on Leaving, but I think this board probably best fits my situation right now, as I'm trying to decide whether I should try to support my pwBPD or just completely cut her out of my life.
Yesterday, I posted on Leaving about getting an update from her mom on how my pwBPD is doing (I haven't seen her in six months). In summary, it's pretty bad, probably the worst it's been all year, at least in terms of dysregulation, finances, unstable relationships, etc. Mom doesn't think she has BPD, even though she's been formally diagnosed, so that's tough. She is at least sticking with a bipolar diagnosis, so that's at least something. Mom stated that there was nothing bad about my pwBPD's childhood, but my pwBPD says she was sexually abused from ages 10-16. Obviously, this isn't something her mom would mention to me anyway, but it does raise some questions about my pwBPD's story. She's lied about so many other things from her past that it wouldn't surprise me if she was lying about this or exaggerating. My pwBPD's stepbrother just moved in with her, and Mom seems to think that will help, but I also see this as more of a rescue attempt, which really won't work and really isn't what she needs. So, at this point, it's all just a waiting game (I'm currently blocked on everything). Mom seems to think my pwBPD will contact me again, but since I've already been devalued so many times, I don't think there's any way to stop the metaphorical bleeding. Title: Re: FOO Issues and Rejecting Diagnosis Post by: Lucky Jim on December 18, 2015, 11:17:46 AM Hey SummerStorm, When you say that it's a waiting game, what are you waiting for? Waiting for a pwBPD to change is usually a thankless vigil. In what way are you thinking about trying to support her? What makes you think you can help? I know these are tough questions to which there may be no simple answer.
LuckyJim Title: Re: FOO Issues and Rejecting Diagnosis Post by: babyducks on December 18, 2015, 03:32:01 PM Hi SummerStorm,
As I read your message I see a lot of triangles, a lot of Karpman Drama Triangles Excerpt Karpman defined three roles in the "transaction"; Persecutor, Rescuer (the one up positions) and Victim (one down position). Karpman placed these three roles on an inverted triangle and described them as being the three aspects, or faces of drama. The Victim The victim in Karpman's triangle is not an actual victim, but rather someone feeling or acting like a victim. Karpman, who had interests in acting and was a member of the screen actors guild, choose the term "drama triangle" rather the term "conflict triangle" because his victim is acting. Nonetheless, the victim sincerely feels victimized, oppressed, helpless, hopeless, powerless, ashamed, and seems unable to make decisions, solve problems, take pleasure in life, or achieve insight. The victim's stance is "Poor me!" The Persecutor The persecutor is controlling, blaming, critical, oppressive, angry, authoritative, rigid, and superior - self righteous. The persecutor insists, "It's all your fault." The Rescuer The rescuer is a classic enabler. The rescuer feels guilty if he/she doesn't rescue. Yet his/her rescuing has negative effects: it keeps the victim dependent and gives the victim permission to fail. It also keeps the rescuer stuck in focusing energy on someone else's problems, not solving his/her own. The rescuer's line is "Let me help you." Karpman's triangle is a simple tool for conceptualizing the dynamics of dysfunctional roles in conflict and for mapping the role changes as the conflict grows. and here is the link https://bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle (https://bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle) No one wins in a drama triangle. The only thing you can do is move to the center. I noticed this Mom stated that there was nothing bad about my pwBPD's childhood, but my pwBPD says she was sexually abused from ages 10-16. Obviously, this isn't something her mom would mention to me anyway, but it does raise some questions about my pwBPD's story. She's lied about so many other things from her past that it wouldn't surprise me if she was lying about this or exaggerating. For what it's worth here are my two cents. My partner is also Bipolar 1 and BPD. She can at times appear frankly psychotic. She can become maniac and loose touch with reality. These are symptoms of her illness. In my opinion she is not lying in the classic sense of the word. She is reporting her distorted reality to the best of her ability. In my experience getting to the truth is not as helpful as dealing with the immediate concern of establishing rapport and building trust. 'ducks |