|
Title: 10 weeks NC and counting Post by: cloudten on December 18, 2015, 10:38:11 AM So, tomorrow will make 10 weeks since I last saw my BPDx - when he almost killed me.
I can't believe it has been 10 weeks. I just wanted to take a few minutes to put on "paper" how I am doing, and maybe what has helped. + I have continued talk therapy + No contact has been hard, but I have maintained it for 10 weeks with only 2 slip ups. He never responded, probably because of the restraining order. That was over a month ago. + There have been good weeks and bad weeks... .but they are turning more into good days and bad days. + I am completely in control of the drama. The worst times have been when I have allowed the drama back in. + It still hurts like the first day. It's a deeper hurt than I ever could have imagined. I have not woken up in that "new attitude" yet... .I think its coming. I think the withdrawal period will end at some point. + I still miss him. He has moved on... .so it is propelling me to move onward too. + I dug in deep with my issues regarding my FOO. I discovered my mom is a narcissist... .and I do have some mild, learned, narcissistic behavior. + I am really bad at validating... .so I am working on that. + I am trying to love myself and make decisions because I love myself. I am trying to realize that it is ok, and that it isn't narcissistic to love myself. + I have become much closer to my D6. + I am digging into attachment theory now. + I realize I am not ready to date again, even though I really want to. Hopefully in the next month or two I will feel more like getting out there. + Helping others and developing friendships has, at times, helped to stave off the loneliness + I think I am going to start coming to the boards less as I really feel like it can pull me back in at times. As much as I want to help others, my better days are the ones where I don't think much about BPD and my ex. Coming here can somewhat trigger me back into it. I feel like this is a helpful place for me, but maybe just not so frequently. Title: Re: 10 weeks NC and counting Post by: Lucky Jim on December 18, 2015, 11:38:52 AM Hey cloud ten, It sounds like you're doing pretty well, under the circumstances. My suggestion is that you stay the course. It's a rough ride at 10 weeks out, I understand, but I can confirm that it leads to greater happiness, with less drama and abuse. :) I can understand what you mean about getting stirred up when you visit this site; for me, however, I find that writing about BPD helps to drain the poison. I hope at some point to reach a place where I'm indifferent to BPD, though I'm not there yet. My plan is to continue posting until it's out of my system entirely. In the meantime, I want to help others, if I can, to navigate the treacherous waters.
LuckyJim Title: Re: 10 weeks NC and counting Post by: cloudten on December 18, 2015, 01:45:12 PM yes, staying on the board is a mixed bag for me. I really want to help others... .first and foremost. But part of it is triggering. I think cutting back a little is good for me right now.
Title: Re: 10 weeks NC and counting Post by: Lucky Jim on December 18, 2015, 02:41:20 PM Definitely! Do what feels right for you. LJ
|