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My 30-year-old sister has many traits of high-functioning BP.  Everyone in our large family thinks she is a toxic mess and avoid her to one degree or another.  In the wake of her recent separation from her husband --whom she married only a few weeks ago -- she has agreed to see a psychiatrist. The problem is, I don't think she sees her situation or her symptoms clearly.  She truly believe she is the victim and she projects her own mental health problems onto everyone else in her life. 

Here's my question.  Should I share these things with her psychiatrist?

- An email from her husband that describes her behavior in detail

- A one-hour recording of her in a circular argument with her husband in which she hit him repeatedly when he tried to move away (he taped it to send to us so we would know how bad it is)

- An email to me from another sibling describing what it was like to grow up with her and her BP symptoms

- An email from my mother with a list of her behaviors

I do not have permission from my sister to speak to the psychiatrist, and I realize that it will be a one-way conversation -- likely an email to which the psychiatrist will not respond. 

The risk I foresee is that my sister will stop seeing the psychiatrist if she finds out that I have supplied her with this information and "tainted" the psychiatrists' impression of her. She will also be really mad at me, but I can handle that. I would rather her be mad at me and get real help than not.  We have tried it the other way around for too long.

On the other hand, I don't know what the psychiatrist will think if I try to butt in.  I could play right into my sister's description of me as "trying to help" but "way overreacting."

Her first appointment is today.

Hi beelong1234

I understand your desire for wanting to 'fix' this situation. There are some things you cannot control though and it might be best for you not to get involved here. The fact that your sister is seeing a psychiatrist now is an encouraging first step. You never know how it will go but perhaps it's best to wait and see.

Is this the first time that your sister has agreed to seek help?

What are the most significant BPD traits you see in your sister? Since when has she been exhibiting problematic behaviors?

Many of our members (including me) have BPD siblings so I am glad you are reaching out for support here since they will be able to relate to you and can give you advice. I think you can also greatly benefit from reading the stories of other members so you can see what they go through and how they deal with things. I find that it helps to know you're not alone and other people actually have similar experiences.

Welcome to bpdfamily

From a clinician's perspective who also has a family member w/ BPD, I can say if this is her first visit, wait. A psychiatrist is unlikely to tell your sister that they were contacted by a family member, but in the off chance, you don't want her to run. Wait it out and see how she does over the course of a few visits, but only if you don't see any improvements, then I would, but tread lightly. I know that in my field of psychiatry in particular, it is often very helpful to have outsider perspective. BPs can be very manipulative even in treatment, and if they're high functioning, it is hard to catch. A clinician of any kind is not going to give you any information, they will likely not even confirm that she is in tx w/ them. But an email later on down the road, again if you see absolutely no improvement, could prove useful.

I know I tried to do this w/ my mother as well, more for her safety due to an irregular rx regime my mother had taken upon herself to rx herself and mixing it w/ substances. I unfortunately couldn't find the clinician's information online and it wasn't like she was going to give it to me anyways.

Just wait it out first to see how things go.