BPDFamily.com

So it's been almost two months since I last saw her and she is surprisingly still single. We were together for 6 years.

She removed our relationship status in early September but still had to live together for a month before I moved out. Lots of raging at me and then suddenly she was friendly and paid for a 'last hurrah' together. We slept together that night... that was her way of saying goodbye apparently. (18th of October) I haven't seen her since October 23rd although I reached out twice and she said things were only 'ok'.

This is unfamiliar territory as before we always lived in the same city. Now she lives two hours away and claims --- for the second time -- that she will never see or talk to me ever again. Previously, I would hear from her at the 3 month mark and she would see if I have changed. Now she claims that I won't ever change so don't expect a 'reach out'.

Do you think she will reach out since she hasn't found a replacement to be in a relationship with her? Thanks!

It sounds like she has moved recently, and is probably settling in, finding a job, getting into a routine in her new town. Moving, even if it's to town she knows, can take a lot of effort to get readjusted.

When the two of you broke up in the past, who usually initiated the contact?

I forgot to mention that she did move. She has serious debts and knew moving would be a downgrade but still did it regardless. I have shown my super brief chat logs with her from the online dating website and she laughed and sounded depressed to my friends, who also saw them. Everytime the conversation ended, I would end up blocked again from contacting her on the online dating website. I have no other way to reach her. I have not reached out a third time but the first time was to let her know that I finished my classes. She blamed me having to finish my classes as the reason why I couldn't move with her and continue our future together. Since then she has revised history, claims I am ugly and 'not good enough' and that she deserves 'better' and 'cannot wait for me any longer'. (?)

In the past, I did reach out at least once but she then blocked me on her phone. Now she has changed her number so I have no way of reaching her. I would then give up and she would reach out, saying that she missed me and our intimacy. That would be roughly around 3 months.

In our last conversation, she said that she didn't need 'anything' from me but this was a few weeks ago. She must be struggling to pay her rent, let alone being able to afford any date expenses, etc. I am sure working at a call centre is stressful beyond belief.

Where are you in all this, roses?

She has a history of blocking you, now she has moved, has a new phone number. She's on a dating site. You have a history of accommodating her needs and there are not many consequences for bad behavior. It's been an unstable relationship.

What will be different, when and if she reaches out next? The time you spend apart is a good time to look closely at the relationship dynamic, and figure out what's going on for you. Do you have a grasp on what you might be doing to contribute to the instability? This is a hard question, it means setting aside her behavior for the moment. We tend to analyze them and overlook what we are doing.

This isn't about good/bad behavior, it's about "I notice when I do this, the relationship _________." We can find clues in these interactions.

I used to blame her for everything since she usually raved and tantrumed over little things. I avoided doing it because it didnt seem yo help.

This is the first Xmas since we split up "for good"... and it seems she hasn't found someone new. Is there a chance she may contact me and recycle if she cannot find someone?

I have a question about the question.  *)

Are you asking what she will do if she is desperate?

I suppose I am. Now that I am at my computer, she said everything bad she possibly could about me except maybe de-valuing my genitals (Seriously!)

She said I was: a slob, have poor hygiene, horrible with money (she has had $1000's in debts for years yet I am being judged), ugly, horrible at sex (no orgasm for her means the person is "horrible" and probably horrible at everything else.

She is spending hours and hours contacting people online. I noticed she was on all day today while I was at work and she is online right now.

She is very desperate. Today marks the two month mark since I last saw her and she is still single. I have never met a girl who I loved their company as much or enjoyed our time together as much, despite the nagging and raging.

I just got home from work an hour or so and she is spending her Christmas Eve on an online dating website. Would you say that is fairly desperate?

Unfortunately, I won't see my family until tomorrow so I will be occupying myself with other things. I just thought it was so strange to see her online all day looking for a replacement.