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I started getting some serious holiday blues tonight. Christmas is rough, but I'll get through it. For some reason I'm actually very down about New Years. I spent the last two New Year's Eves with her, just hanging out at her work as the clock ran down, giving her a kiss, then just enjoying the rest of the night. This year I'm struggling to find something to occupy my time that night. I absolutely cannot sit at home.

How are you all holding up with the impending holidays?

Hey,

Yes, holidays, especially when we've become used to spending them with that person, are tough.

This Christmas, having just managed to break up with finality, I plan to feel good about having made a decision in which I said "enough" and decided to respect, rather than doubt and ignore, myself and my own way of wanting to be in the world.

I plan to re-extend my invitation to an old friend to come and spend a quiet day with me, eating and enjoying the fire. It will be low energy - we may eat and watch a film or go for a walk or both. I like the quiet of Christmas Day.

For New Year's a friend a couple of hours away has invited me to a small house-party. Being out of the city where I live, with different people, will be good and I'm looking forward to that.

I've been moving towards this point for some time and specifically for the last month have been emotionally disengaging. I know there's work ahead because the one thing I find really uncomfortable to think of is him with someone else. I will enjoy the day that that feeling is no longer there.

In the meantime, I'm going to relish some of the useful lessons I've learned and try to stay focussed on (re)building my own already reasonably full life.

Maybe that helps a little? I hope so.

Remember that both those days are also just days like any other. It's what we expect of them, and put into them, that makes them different. At least some of those things are in our control. Even if the knowledge of that takes effort to consciously apply.

Be peaceful. You'll be ok.