BPDFamily.com

Hi, Board. I haven't been here for a long time. No real need, I guess.

What I would like to share is that recently (and completely unexpectedly) I crossed paths with an old BPD-ex with whom I had zero-contact with for approximately six-and-a-half years.

Guess What?

NOTHING CHANGED!

While specific life circumstances have changed, at her core she is EXACTLY who and what she was before! NOTHING in her core personality has changed!

To any Non's out there who fret that their BPD-ex may have somehow "healed" and/or gotten "better", don't worry. Within the hardwired biological core templates through which they (and all human beings) experience their unique version of "reality" (along with their sense of self and other), nothing changes! Core personalities (including dysfunctional ones) are hardwired-in through a combination of biology, repetition and early-life experiences.

An adult person is who and what they are.

NOTHING CHANGES!

Hi Wanna move on. I couldn't agree more. My ex wife hasn't changed in the 4+ years weve been separated and my exgf is on her second relationship since we split up. Friends and family find it odd how accurately I can predict what they will do. Ive not often been caught out. I even predicted when my exgf would split up from her last boyfriend and was about a week out.

I like the fact that you mentioned biology, repetition and early life experience as I agree that these are the key factors to why they never change.

Oh, their patterns don't change but their "opportunities" sure do. My BPD is losing his physical attraction with age and with this dysfunctional level, it's getting harder and harder for him to attract new young people that unknowingly open their houses to him. Nowadays, he is basically limited to online contact. Few people go near him, and those who do are  rarely able to provide the conditions he likes.

"Hi Wanna move on. I couldn't agree more. My ex wife hasn't changed in the 4+ years weve been separated and my exgf is on her second relationship since we split up. Friends and family find it odd how accurately I can predict what they will do. Ive not often been caught out. I even predicted when my exgf would split up from her last boyfriend and was about a week out."

I feel the same way... .I told his Mother that I expected the gf to get pregnant when I talked with her in September... .and I was right... .the gf is 4 months pregnant! Thanks for the news... .,we all want to feel like it was somehow not us! I am sure this pregnancy will change things somehow with him from our marriage, since I had a miscarriage... .but he himself will not change with the lies, drinking, anger and the cheating... .I would bet on it!

My ex did change,  hardly any risk behavior AMD comfomes to social norms, and follows the law, pays bills, goes to work everyday, but no empathy, or any idea of what others maybe feeling, unless It's the off chance it effects them personally.