BPDFamily.com

so , after a few years, failed couple therapy, 3 sessions with a therapist who told him "he was fine" and even a domestic violence temporary restraining order, im still trying to work things out with hubby as we have 2 very small kids. so, on vacation he had a episode and i told him, he has to see a dr. i want him to understand he has a disorder, not just "anger" but some sort of imbalance (BPD i know)

do i have him see a regular medical doctor?

does he need a scan?

or is this simply something we have to take him to see a therapist?

the idea is, i need him to HEAR IT and UNDERSTAND it from someone he will respect. a medical dr i think he would REALLLY listen to.

advice?

thanks

Hi Jwifeandmom

*welcome*   I am glad you joined us and shared your story.   I am going to share two links that I picked out for you.   It can sometimes be hard for a newcomer to find their way around this (very) large site, and I think this information can be helpful to you.   When you are ready just click on the green text and it will take you right there.

Getting a "Borderline" into Therapy (https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-to-get-borderline-into-therapy)

and

Diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (https://bpdfamily.com/content/diagnosis-borderline-personality-disorder)

Is he willing to see a doctor?   I think it would be important that the initial visit be someplace he can feel comfortable and with some one he has rapport with.  Perhaps the place to start is your regular medical doctor and ask for a referral.   Unfortunately effective help will take more than a scan and a couple of visits.    There is a lot to sort out before a diagnosis of BPD is given.    It can take some time.

my advice to you is to continue to post and read here.  work through this slowly and carefully.   we can help to support you and make suggestions about the Lessons, Skills and Tools that we have found to be helpful to us.

what do you think?   does that sound like something you have interest in?

'ducks

Hi Jwifeandmom,

What happened during the vacation episode?

How did he respond when you told him he needed to see a doctor?

Glad you found the site. We understand, and you're not alone. 

LnL

Hi livednlearned

well

each episode (maybe not on this board?) seems so silly & insignificant when told separately, but, what happened on vacay (7 hours away) was that i got the feeling as always of being treated like a child, (hesitation to hand me our debit card, told me he would do something that i was easily about to do myself--we went 2 snow & didnt own a sled-stopped by a local sports store and agreed if its under a certain amt $$ we'd buy one and if not, no big deal we'd pass & just play in snow-- i went to go in store he said, yea, go look & then if so ,come back to car, ill go in & buy it... .well that doesnt make sense just hand me the card, and if its a reasonable price, ill buy it, no need to come report back to you and make a switch and have u go in the store! LOL? ) adn i stood up for myself & reminded him not to do /treat me these ways no glaring etc --

well sled was $ too much for 2 days in the snow with our paycheck 2 paycheck lifestyle currently :)

so i came back to car, mind you gone for 2 seconds, guess he had thought about how i stood up to him,,he was MOODY, angry, child crying in backseat which GREATLY AFFECTS him, & didnt want to play in snow AT ALL . tellig me get in the car, i didnt like it, i told him to calm down... .he told me if i didnt get in he would leave me there... .(what? 7 hours away from home in the snow in a strange store parking lot?) i said, lets agree.you calm down, drive us all safely to hotel. then u can go in and ill take kids to snow. he agreed but as soon as i got in started telling me how i will PAY for how i treated him. he will show me (revenge) he swears on his fathers life that i will pay for being like this in public, etc etc etc... .i told him stop threating me , lets not talk, take us to hotel. when we got there, he would NOT let me take the (our) car to take kids to snow! said i wasnt in a right state of mind,not competent to drive to snow, etc... .etc. well i told him he cannot control my actions, i amnot wearing a burka? this is enough info, u can already tell how horrible it was. so we all went inside. put baby to nap, and when he was calm, (he ALWAYS CALMS DOWN and returns to 'normal.) i tlaked to him. he listned well. i once again explained that this is not normal reactions, the amount of anger is not proportionate to the event, this was the first event since end of octobers restrainign order, and he had done great, but NOT ENOUGH. and i would not be with him if he didnt agree to see a DR.

so thats where i am now.

action, to get him to see someone.

thanks babyducks! clicking thru the links now !