BPDFamily.com

I was really hoping to settle today. Even with a retired judge, I thought I had a good chance to settle. I lowered CS by $400 with the agreement I will not ask any of his share before and after care expenses. It is $200 more than I am getting right now because I agreed to carry children's insurance and his share is about $200. Kids have been going to him every other weekend Fri to Sun during the separation which is almost two years. By separation contract, he had to do all the transportation. I agreed to share transportation with the hope that visitations will go smoothly and have been doing it since September. My hope worked about three visitations. After that, still missing visitation, late time, all kinds of unreasonable reasons to alter days and times and manipulating who to pick. Holidays and vacations are all split.

Today, he wants me to lower even more CS  (no before and after care, no support to kids' insurance) and wants more days. (Thurs to Mon). He makes more (him-60%, me-40%) than I do. He said yes to college fund which surprised my lawyer. I was not surprised. He will want to show he is a good father but really paying will be a different story. He has about $1000 that he hasn't paid (his share of kids activities and counselings). My lawyer asked me why don't I accept the fund and give him two more days every other weekends telling me reasons why we shouldn't go to court. If we go to court, court will discard the college. I said For my kids, I can not yield any school night. I have my reasons and evidences full of binder. I would rather give up the college fund.

My lawyer said ok. He said BPD's lawyer is a real jerk (his word) and alcoholic. He was rude and didn't want to negotiate a thing. BPD L left saying "I don't want to waste any more time. Let's see at the court." My lawyer says he can not guarantee but can predict what is going to happen if we go to trial. I get the state guide line CS. and most likely get the Fri to Sun which has been going on during two years under separate contract. But they will bring up about moving closer to be more involved with kids. (He moved with his GF and her son about a month ago. three miles away from me. Yuck... ). My l kept saying the reasons not to go to court which I know but it seems to be unavoidable. My l says he can not talk to BPD lawyer reasonably and suggested that I talk to BPD.

I said I will think about it. I know this BPD is not reasonable either but money is really important for him. Maybe I will talk to him in peace confirming if he knows it will cost him a lot and will not get the results he wants. Going to court or not, I am in peace. I am not afraid any more.

My l does good paper work. This time, he seems to remember about my case better than last time. He is not a fighter or good talker or sharp. Very polite and mild manner. He is a collaboration lawyer and himself a court appointed mediator. He is very against going to trial but he goes to trial. Now at trial, does it really affect how well your l represent your case like a movie? Then I need to find a tougher L. But if it is about showing the evidences and telling judge why I want what I want, I think getting a new L might be a waste of time and money. any advise?

My kids went to dad's today coming back on 26th. feeling lonely... .

Sorry for rambling... thank you for reading.

Happy Holidays everyone!

My ex delayed and obstructed during our separation and 23.5 month divorce.  But when I arrived at the court house on Trial Day (we had an entire day reserved with the magistrate) I was met with the news she finally was ready to settle.  She couldn't delay any more.  The Day of Reckoning had arrived and she blinked.  I later found out her lawyer told her she'd probably lose in the trial.

It may be similar in your case, that at the last day or last minute he will agree to settle mostly on your terms.  Though, on the other hand, his lawyer may not share reality with his client.  Whatever else happens or doesn't happen, you know what is best for your children and besides, very likely the court will make a better order than he would settle for.  You can always appeal or later contest a bad order but courts are generally reluctant to undo a settlement.

Frankly, giving up something to get a deal often just incites more demands.  So one perspective is to just state what you know is reasonable and right, be ready to defend it to the court, then stand by it.  Think of it as a 'boundary', no appeasing, minimal concessions.  It's okay to give up something relatively unimportant so ex can feel he has 'won' something but only at the very end, not too early in negotiation or else there will be even more demands.

In summary, most here have reported that we could not reach a reasonable settlement early in the case.  So don't feel bad that you couldn't get a deal yet, it's still possible but probably closer to a major hearing or trial in court.